The High

There’s nothing like the feeling you get when you make a special connection with another person whether it be a friend or a lover. It’s a high. It’s a feeling like no other. It’s rawness like the slightest breeze will cut through you and push you over.

Every now and then I get a text or an email…from HIM. This morning he sent me a simple text that said simply “I’m thinking about you, Kitty xoxoxox”.

I wanted to cry. As simple as it was, it brightened my dismal morning. I had butterflies in my stomach. It took my breath away. I wonder if he knows just how much those small gestures mean to me. Maybe that’s not good. Maybe if he knows he will back away just like all the others. Only he is NOT like all the others.

There is sensitivity, vulnerability, sincerity that none of the others had. He reminded me the other day that I discounted him originally. It nearly broke my heart. God I am an idiot. The real crime is who I let in. The real crime is that I was listening to all the wrong men when he was waiting patiently for me to realize.

What can I do to make it up to him? What can I do to make him see my regret?

Happy Birthday, Baby xoxoxox

The Roses

I watch the roses on my counter as they slowly but steadily wilt. The flowers themselves were beautiful no doubt but it’s the sentiment behind the flowers that makes my heart warm.

You are the only lover that has bought me flowers and roses no less. They are my favorite. Each time I pass the vase I take a whiff of them and think of you.

I think about our first kiss. I think about you kissing down my neck as you unsnapped my bra so effortlessly then ran your tongue around my nipples. I think about how you sank to your knees as I stood paralyzed while you removed my pants and began immediately licking my clit skillfully with your tongue bringing me to an orgasm in no time.

I think about how you ran your fingers inside of me and went down over and over as you told me how good I tasted.

I think about how you began to remove your jeans and quickly put on a small striptease for my benefit. You exposed your huge erect cock and began to stroke it gently. I reached for it and expected you to push my hand away but you didn’t. I was ecstatic so I took the opportunity to put it in my mouth and boy did you taste good.

I think about how you took your jeans off entirely and laid in the bed for just a moment before I hopped on top of your erect penis. You felt so good inside me it was no time before I came again.

I think about how our bodies seemed to fit together perfectly with each position we tried.

I think about how you told me that you liked the way your cock looked moving in and out of my pussy and the mere thought of it along with the wonderful sensation of actually doing it made me cum once again.

I think about how gentle you spoke when you asked how deep I could swallow your cock.

I think about how you kissed me nearly every second we were together and how you knew exactly where and when to touch me.

I think about how when we parted you gave me a gentle goodbye kiss on the lips as we promised to stay in touch. Then you winked at me which made me smile.

When I look at those beautiful flowers I don’t just see them as something pretty. When look at them, I think of how lucky I am to have met a wonderful friend like you and how I am looking forward to the next time that we can spend some time together.

Risk Taking

It’s raining like hell out there this morning. He wants to meet…you know…Biker Dude. And I really want to meet him but I can’t. It’s too risky. Angry Guy is off from work today. That means he can check up on me at any time.

I ask myself if it’s worth the risk. I want to see him. I want to feel him inside of me this week. I crave his touch. I want to hear his voice. I want to feel his kiss. And yet the risk is too great.

Why couldn’t the rain hold off until tomorrow? I can meet him tomorrow. Oh, it’s still risky. It’s just not downright stupid.

What would my Voice of Reason say if he were here? Would he say “We’ll work something out. Don’t stress”?

And yet I do stress over it. I stress over missing that opportunity. I stress over meeting for what could be the last time for weeks. The holidays are here. It’s family time for all of us. No time to meet in hotel rooms for passionate sex. This is the time of year where we lay next to our life partners night after night wondering. This is the time of year that I lay in bed next to my life partner wondering why he does not reach for me. Why doesn’t he want me? How am I ever going to pay the bills from the holiday? Then my mind drifts to HIM.

Is he making love to his wife tonight? Is he touching her the way I want him to touch me? Is he saying those words to her that make me cum? When he and I are together I don’t worry about paying bills. I don’t think about why my life partner does not reach for me. I don’t think about why he doesn’t want me.

I give myself over to HIM. I enjoy our stolen hours together. I am willing to take the risk. I have decided. Then I drift off to sleep only to be awakened by the alarm. It’s time to go to the gym.

A Clean Bill of Health

I noticed something interesting today. Actually it’s kind of shitty. See, I have been feeling really good lately…I mean emotionally.

Oh, yeah there was an incident at the gym this morning. My friend challenged me to a race in class and while I was running I lost my balance and fell. I skinned my elbow which hurts like hell and bruised my ego but other than that I am fine. My friend felt incredibly guilty so I told her that I am telling everyone she pushed me and if she buys me a coffee with extra whipped cream on it we can call it even. She agreed.

Okay, so back to my emotional health. I was really struggling there for a little bit. The headshrinker attributed my sadness to the voids in my life. She attributed my sadness to the void from the loss of my father, the void that my husband has left me by emotionally leaving our marriage, and the void that was created when my son left for college. Up until that point I was proud of the way I had handled my son leaving for school but I suppose the combination of everything together just left me well…VOID.

I had been dreading the holidays specifically Thanksgiving then something happened. Well, among other things like removing my profile from Ashley Madison, not communicating with men other than platonically…sort of, getting back to the gym, watching my diet and starting a vitamin regimen…well…Kitty met a friend. Kitty met Biker Dude.

Oh, I have mentioned Biker Dude before as “Jr.” and/or “The Voice of Reason”. Anyway, for those of you who haven’t been reading my blog (SHAME ON YOU!) Biker Dude is a name that I say tongue in cheek. For some reason XXX thinks my new friend is a biker which he is not. But upon closer inspection I have decided that at first glance, second, tenth his rugged looks (without having a conversation with him) one could believe that he is a biker dude. He and I have a little joke about it. So Biker Dude if you are reading this I hope you see that I am joking.

Anyway, I am WAY off track here. Biker Dude and I happened to meet for the first time in person just before my last headshrinker appointment. Needless to say we shared an amazing kiss so it is no wonder I was in a great mood right before my headshrinker appointment. As a result the headshrinker gave me a clean bill of health. Ironic don’t you think?

The thing that is shitty though which is the whole point of this blog is that when I was seeing the headshrinker Angry Guy was on his best behavior…for the most part. He seemed to be going out of his way to be nice on the days he knew I had an appointment.

Yesterday he called me at work assuming that I had a headshrinker appointment and seemed sort of disappointed when I told him that she told me I could wait a few weeks to come back if I wanted to. Now Angry Guy was not disappointed because he wants me to go to the headshrinker. Angry Guy was disappointed because he thinks he has been wasting his time being nice to me the past few days thinking I will report back to her.

I realized that this morning when he was acting like an incredible ASSHOLE! Pretty shitty don’t you think?

“Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in”

I hope none of you had any money on my dropping out of the prowling scene…’cause you would have lost it.

I made it for over a month I think. I was a good kitty…until I met…HIM.

I need to find a blog name for HIM. Maybe you all can help me. I will describe HIM and then open the floor for names.

First of all he is very rugged, hunky and in great shape. He’s got that soft spoken voice but is very commanding which you all know that I LOVE. And something that you can’t see in his pictures but I noticed right away in person is that he has the most beautiful blue eyes. That seems to be the kiss of death for me. I LOVE guys with blue eyes.

So yes, we met on Ashley Madison and yes, we met before I pulled my profile. We kept in touch and have been chatting an awful lot lately. Before you know it we crossed the line from “How ya doin’?” to “Where are we meeting?”

I was alone in my office and bored to tears. That’s when I get into the most trouble according to the headshrinker. So he and I start chatting. We have the usual naughty chat but then Kitty did what Kitty does and tried to coax him to meet. Kitty tried to coax him to meet at a hotel. I am not sure how close he came to agreeing but luckily he kept his wits about him and talked me down from the ledge. We decided to meet for an in person chat instead and a friendship was born.

Whenever I go to these meet and greets I never know what the other person is thinking. It seems much easier for them because more often than not they have read my blog and let’s face it, my blog says all there is to say about me.

So I definitely got a good feeling and he says he got a good feeling so…

Voice of Reason

You are my voice of reason. I wonder how you do it. How do you maintain control? How do you keep a level head? When I ask you to come to me, you stop. You think. You process. Then you react. I want your level headedness.

My blood is hot. My loins are burning. My nipples are hard. I think of you. I think of us. I imagine how good our bodies will feel next to each other. I imagine how good you will feel inside of me. You feel it too. I know you do.

I imagine your kiss ever so gentle on my mouth. I imagine you working your way down my neck with your mouth as you unbutton my blouse. I imagine you running your tongue around my nipples which have become hard just as I write this.

I close my eyes and feel your tongue move lower then retract. “It’s about control,” you tell me.

You kneel at my side and begin to undress. You unbutton your own plaid flannel shirt. Your eyes meet my eyes and your mouth begins to curl into a smile. I reach to help you but you move my hand away. “It’s about control,” you repeat still maintaining eye contact, still smiling.

I lay seemingly patient. My stomach is churning. I long to touch you but the look in your eyes tells me “No.”

You pull off your worn blue jeans to expose what is the biggest most beautiful cock that I have ever seen. It is perfect in its shape and size and oh how I want to take it in my hands. I want to take it in my mouth. It’s all about control.

You begin stroking yourself as you look into my eyes. My desire for you is so strong now that I want to cry. I reach down to touch myself and again your eyes pierce me as to say “No, it’s about control.” You become fully erect. I am so tense that I am helpless. I can’t touch you. I can’t feel you. I can’t kiss you. I can’t put your long hard cock in my mouth the way I long to. And now I am unable to touch myself. I am a slave to your whim. I search your face for a sign. I look into your eyes begging. Please let me have it. Please let me touch it. Please let me suck it. Please kiss me. Please reach for me.

You continue to stroke yourself but slower now. I think to myself “Is it possible? Is it my turn?” Then I think again, “It’s about control”.

What should I do next? Should I gather my wits and get up and leave? Is that what you want? Do you want me to take control? Do you want me to leave you wanting more?

It’s all about control. It’s all about control.