Years Later

 I haven't seen XXX in years which is funny because we actually live in the same town now...opposite sides of town but still...

I still think about him, wonder about him. Is he still married? Is he happy? Probably not. He's just not the happy type but still, I wonder.

So last night even though I was picking up takeout from a restaurant just down the block from his house...a restaurant we used to joke about being for old people, I was somewhat surprised to see him walk past my car with his dog. He has a DOG!!! I don't see him as an animal lover. He looked kind of strange so I wasn't quite sure it was him. 

Without thinking I waved and smiled. He looked like he vaguely recognized me. I rolled down my car window. We exchanged pleasantries very briefly. "How are you?" yadda yadda. I made a quick joke about the restaurant.

It was a 60 second exchange and then I drove away passing him one last time but looking the other way. We pretended, I guess. HE pretended...

...that he didn't used to text me in the morning to meet him at his apartment after work.

...that he didn't used to fuck me from behind while we watched in the bedroom mirror

...that I didn't ride him reverse cowgirl style until we both came

...that just like the others he deceived me and discarded me for what he thought was someone better.

For those 60 seconds I pretended...

...that he didn't make me feel worthless by discarding me.

...that he didn't deceive me.

...that he didn't pretend to keep me close to make sure that I wouldn't tell his bat shit crazy wife.

...that I didn't cheat on my husband who I now realize was at one time the love of my life.

Years later...

Sitting Next to XXX

Kitty misses her blog. I really do and the fact that I haven’t kept up with it has nothing more to do with the fact that I haven’t had anything juicy to write about and believe me Kitty has TRIED! I even got a request from Bad Boy for a post and I talk to him all the time! Oh on that subject Bad Boy is planning a visit out my way in the fall so if nothing else maybe I will have something fun to write about then. Bad Boy, if you are reading this…WILL Kitty have something fun to write about when you come visit???

So Kitty has been dating and hanging out with friends and working A LOT. I figured nobody wants to read about that boring everyday nonsense so I haven’t written but I think I may be getting close.

I figured I’d wait but today I actually had a business meeting with none other than XXX. I sat side by side with him listening to him blabber on. All I could think about was “Is he going to think about me tonight when he masturbates?” I sure as hell hope so. XXX is exactly the same as he was when we first met. He is still under his cunt wife’s thumb and she is STILL stringing him along. Meanwhile Kitty is growing and flourishing and damn am I enjoying life!

I have to say, it did make me want to write a post. At first I thought I might do a fantasy post but to be honest XXX does not do it for me anymore. Weird right?!?!?!?

Kitty did have a date this past weekend with a guy who seems really into Kitty. As I told a friend of mine, he is not my typical type and he may just want to get laid. I’m not sure if that is what I am looking for at this point but he’s a nice guy and is making an effort so I will go out with him again. My friend who happens to be male said “well you better figure out what your goal is because I hate to see a good guy spend money on a good burger and not get laid.”

So while I was sitting in the meeting with XXX listening to him blabber on I began to think about it and I thought what the hell?! So I think what I am going to do is just go with it and maybe I will fuck this guy. Maybe it will be a good way to relax after a particularly rough winter. Maybe it will give me something fun to write about. Maybe it will turn into something. That’s the great thing about being Kitty. I just never know.

What a Difference A Year Makes

The other day several women I work with were complaining. I said to them “where were you this time last year?” One was battling breast cancer and had no hair. The second had just lost her father. I was in the midst of a lot of drama with Angry Guy.

Shortly after that I received an email from XXX. He’s back together with his wife and it seems as though she is back to her same cunt self. He was whining about it all the while telling me how they were buying a new expensive house together. I emailed back “where were you this time last year?”

In XXX’s case things are never going to get better. He is stuck in the frame of mind where he wants to be with this woman who is “one of the popular girls” even though she is rotten to the core. As far as I am concerned he deserves what he gets and I have told him this. She is never going to change.

I can always tell that things are not going well with him because on the surface of course everything looks like a fantasy. He’s back together with his wife. They are buying a big expensive house. Everything is going well it seems. But when things are shitty for XXX and he is back together with his wife he cops an attitude with me…an attitude that I no longer indulge. He becomes condescending and pompous.

At any rate, in the midst of reminding everyone to look back for a brief moment at how their lives have changed for the better over the past year, I decided to do the same.

Kitty although not playing with anybody at the moment has never felt better physically, emotionally or spiritually. I no longer have the weight of Angry Guy on my shoulders and he seems like he is actually doing well too!

Would I like to get laid more? Has my blog taken a hit from lack of material? OF COURSE! But I look at it this way…when Angry Guy and I were together I was getting laid by random strangers some of whom were potentially dangerous. Let’s face it; Angry Guy had no interest in sex with Kitty at all. So at least there is potential for Kitty. Kitty hopes to find someone someday who can satisfy my sexual appetite and believe me I WILL be writing about it. But in the meantime Kitty is enjoying all the wonderful things that have happened in just one year.

Kitty No Speeky Da Englis

Kitty has all but given up trying to talk to Angry Guy. Oh, we talk about surface topics. We coordinate schedules and when I will be working, when I can help him pack, oh today he asked if we could still share our membership to the wholesale club which costs all of $35. Those topics for the most part are no problem. More often than not though I will repeat myself over and over and he will claim I never said what I KNOW I said…in English…VERY clearly and without any food in my mouth.

The reason I am questioning myself now is because I am having a similar problem with XXX only not on such a serious level. I was working with XXX yesterday. We were alone which was a really nice change. Both of his assistants were out of the office. XXX and I are more relaxed when his assistants are gone. He was extremely touchy/feely. XXX is generally a touchy/feely person as is Kitty. When his assistants are in we both refrain. Yesterday he was holding my hand and rubbing my shoulders on occasion. I know you think he was coming on to me but I assure you he was not.

Of course we discussed our personal situations and the fact that we are both sort of single at the same time. I told XXX that the anniversary for the first time we fucked is coming up in September. He asked me how I wanted to celebrate. Oh COME ON!!! Kitty only wants to celebrate any occasion ONE WAY!!! I looked at him and gave him my devilish smile. His crystal blue eyes sparkled and he smiled his knowing smile.

Then we moved on to the topic that we have all been waiting for…if and when XXX and Kitty are going to get together. Well…That’s where the whole speaking English thing comes in. Now I don’t know whether I am not speaking clearly, or I am simply speaking a foreign language but DAMN! It seems like XXX and I go over and over this and I say the same thing over and over…

So XXX said yesterday “I wish we didn’t work together. We would be such an awesome couple if we didn’t work together.”

To which my response was “Work isn’t the problem. We were fine when we were fucking and working together. The problem is your fucknut wife.” XXX smiled and agreed and I continued by saying,

“Listen; now that I am single I am not fucking around. I am not putting up with any bullshit. You are awesome and we would make an awesome couple but there is no way in hell that I am going to fuck you then have you break my heart the next day because your fucknut wife decided she can’t handle you moving on with your life.”

If I have said this once to XXX I have said it a million times. So why doesn’t he comprehend? Tell me…am I speeky da englis???

Lunching With XXX

This morning I ran into XXX in the parking lot. Okay…I lied. I was heading into the building; he drove past me so I turned around and walked to meet him at his car. I wanted to ask him if his lunch offer still stood…NO…not sex…LUNCH!

Angry Guy is off today and I make it a point not to have play dates on his days off so lunch and only lunch is what I had in mind. Sure enough when I said to XXX “Hey is your lunch invitation for today still open?” He said to me “Lunch? You mean FOOD?”

Of course knowing what he was asking I said, “Yes lunch…just lunch. Food and only food.” He seemed relieved. See, that’s the thing with him. One minute he will ask me what I think about starting our affair again then he will have second thoughts about it.

As I was explaining to my friend Parker, right now I am okay with all of that. If I were to take the next step and go back to fucking XXX his wishy washy behavior would make me crazy. Right now I can tell XXX that I feel this way. Right now I feel like I can tell him anything. He knows all of my secrets and I know his. He can talk to me about other women and I have no hard feelings at all. We are friends…special friends who have seen each other naked.

There were a few moments around noon when he emailed me and said he had to review some reports for an afternoon conference call that he had then he realized he had already reviewed them so we were able to go.

I know my happiness should not rely so heavily on a lunch date but believe me work can be so boring that I need SOMETHING to look forward to. I actually got that little piece of advice from the headshrinker way back when although at the time I am pretty sure she was not including getaways in hotel rooms with strange men as a viable incentive.

So XXX and I drove to lunch for the first time ever in the same car. He has some sporty car that he thinks will attract more women. Personally it does not appeal to me. I often tell him that he should get one of the sporty models of the BMW but let’s face it, he never takes my advice.

The restaurant was down the road and packed when we got there. We managed to find a private table in the corner with high stools which typically I am not comfortable in but I didn’t want to be difficult. I knew this was a little uncomfortable for XXX who is used to eating alone in his office which seems more and more like a dungeon.

We ordered and began to talk. I think one of the things that make XXX uncomfortable is that he still does not get that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. So even though I have told him hundreds of times that I am over the pain of our affair and am happy being platonic friends he can’t help but be on edge that I am not being truthful. We can thank his cunt wife for that I think. She is one of those women that send mixed messages and women like me have to suffer for all the mind games she plays.

So XXX and I discussed his current situation with his wife who by the way is still a cunt. Little by little XXX is coming to the realization that he needs to file divorce papers. I am to the point where I am supporting him no matter what but we both agree there will be no hanky panky between us because for whatever reason all that cunt has to do is snap her fingers and XXX with drop whoever his dick is in for her.

We discussed my blog, friends I have made through my blog which completely fascinates XXX.

I was also able to get XXX’s take on the other men in my life. He insists that Angry Guy is an anomaly and that he has forced me into this life style that I have been living. Personally I think that is a copout but I appreciate XXX’s support as a friend.

Lunch ended on a high note and although we didn’t actually discuss our personal affair I believe we are on the same page and both realize that the time has passed and we are better off as friends.

Later in the evening XXX texted me. He was at a school program for his son. His cunt wife had shown up with her first ex husband as a date. Poor XXX. I can only imagine how heartbroken he was. I am hoping this is the push he needs to finally move forward with his life. He is a wonderful man and if he would just get his head out of that cunt’s ass he would be able to meet someone who would show him that.

Weak Moments

The other day on my way out for the day, I stopped in XXX’s office just to say hi. He was alone and sitting at his desk as usual. We chatted a bit very casually. He’s pushing through with his divorce…supposedly. He made a comment about his “10 Year Plan”. He has a financial model that will make him a multi-millionaire within ten years. I told him I would marry him at that point and so now we joke about that. We talked a little bit about divorce, child support then dieting. I told XXX that I need to lose this weight so that I have some game when his 10 Year Plan is underway.

XXX is always telling me that I am “Fine” even though we both know I need to lose this damn weight. The day before we were working together and he told me several times “You look good today. You look really really good.” I assumed it was my afterglow from my afternoon with Hammer so I just smiled.

So yesterday when XXX and I were talking about diets and what not he said “I almost CALLED you yesterday.”

“Wait, I was here yesterday…working…with you.” I was confused for a moment and then something in his eyes told me what he really meant.

“Would you have met me?” he asked.

Without even thinking I said “yes,” but then hesitated a bit.

We began talking very frankly about starting our affair again. He said “I am trying to figure out a way so that you don’t get hurt again.”

I agreed and said, “No I don’t want to get hurt again. We are in such a good place now.” I told him that things would be different. I told him it would have to be just the two of us in his bed and not Angry Guy or his cunt wife.

So we decided to talk about it next week…XXX and me.

All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind after that. I thought about that drive over to XXX’s place. I thought about his kiss. I thought about his touch. I thought about him calling out my name as he cums. I wondered if sex would be better now since we have discussed it at length over the past few months. I thought about his crystal blue eyes and how to this day I can only look at him for a few moments at a time without melting into his eyes.

I feel as though if we both wait it out that feeling, that urge will pass. XXX and I are friends now. He has weak moments and I have weak moments but we support eachother. I can tell him I will fuck him if he needs it and maybe just knowing is enough. He has done the same for me. We have not acted on it. When one of us is weak the other shows support until we can get our bearings. Wait…isn’t that what a true friendship is?

When Life Hands You Lemons

Kitty has been in such a rut lately. That’s a big reason behind all the nonsense with Ashley Madison. What is the expression? “An idle mind is the Devil’s playground”. When Kitty has nothing good to focus my attention on I can get into LOTS of trouble…obviously.

So, in an effort to put all this behind me and in an effort to make a bad situation good again I have decided to start a project. I have been picking all of my friend’s brains for ideas of what I should do. Quite a few of my friends recommended being a Madame. Today I also got a text telling me that two of my friends had decided that selling sex toys would be the perfect career for me. None of these people read my blog by the way so you can see that my Naughty Kitty personality oozes out even in real life. No, Naughty kitty is not one of those women who is stiff by day and loosey goosey party girl at night. In fact I think more people are surprised that I write when they read my blog than the fact that I write about explicit topics.

One of my friends suggested combining something I love with something I am good at. Maybe that’s where my friends got the Madame/sex toy idea.

Anyway this morning Kitty became so inspired that I may have to focus more of my efforts on this project for the time being and less on my blog. Now don’t go getting all sad. I will still be here and I will most definitely still be writing but I may repost some of my favorite posts from early on. I don’t want you all to think I am cheating or trying to get anything over on all of you. When my project is complete I assure you it will be worth it for all of us.

So now I have an entire team of creative as well as technical consultants who happen to also be my friends including Ben, a friend that I will from this point forward refer to as “Adonai” and XXX of course!

XXX and Ben have been my biggest supporters with this project. I trust their opinions explicitly and in XXX’s case he has volunteered to be my technical advisor and I can’t think of a better person than my valued friend and confidante, XXX.

I know this may seem boring to all of you compared to my normal reports from inside a hotel room but Kitty is trying to turn things around. Kitty is making lemonade out of the lemons that life has handed her lately.

Don’t be so quick to write me off. There may be some good stories to write about. Some may even be naughty.

Kitty the Tutor

I’m finally coming to the end of my busy season. Big Cheese has been sort of a douche bag lately. I know he is under a lot of pressure and of course he has some personal issues just to add to the fun. Today was extremely busy so Big Cheese decided to add a new dimension to the day and schedule a completely unnecessary meeting. Okay, the meeting may be necessary but it wasn’t “necessary” to have it today of all days. Big Cheese is very easily distracted. I have to constantly remind myself that he is the boss and he has been doing this for a long time so he must know what he’s doing.

After the meeting I expected Big Cheese to get back to work. That would make too much sense though so Big Cheese decided to take his lunch break and made it an extra long one. Can you see why Kitty is a bit frustrated?

Now Kitty sat at my desk and ate my lunch. I had a quick phone call with T-Bone and then said “Fuck it”. I went to the ladies room and stopped off at XXX’s office. He was in a really good mood today considering his wife is still jerking him around.  I like to tease him about how smelly his lunches are. Today the smell of onion permeated the lobby of the building so I really gave it to him good.

We talked about our constant battle to lose weight. I told him the latest with T-Bone which of course turned the conversation to sex…always.

I told XXX that cancellations don’t bother me that much except these guys are so freakin’ particular about how groomed Kitty’s kitty is. XXX agreed that shaving or waxing my kitty is ridiculous. I asked him if he shaves his balls. Sadly it’s been so long that I have forgotten. XXX’s reply was “well…when I get out there I guess I am going to have to.” Then we had a quick conversation about God wanting you to have hair there so…

XXX skillfully turned the conversation toward his offer the other day to pity fuck me…although he insists it was not out of pity. We once again mulled over the ending of our affair the first time. I told him that my cyber friends are amazed at our ability to spin out of that nasty break up and end up close friends. XXX agreed and said “I am in awe.” I think he is crediting me for the whole thing. He started telling me that he was parking on the other side of the building back then. I asked, “Why? Did you think I would stalk you?” “No,” he said. “I didn’t want to have that confrontation every morning knowing that I hurt you so badly.” I know you are all bored with mulling this over and over. I admit, I am starting to get weary of it myself.

The funny thing is that XXX then reminded me that not too long ago I had commented on his oral skills…or rather his need to learn some oral skills. I remember the conversation I forget the specifics. Apparently I told him not to point his tongue but to flatten it when licking a ladies’ pussy. He told me yesterday that that was good advice and he used it successfully. Well, I am happy to help.

It’s weird how we can talk so openly and honestly with one another and yet when we were actually fucking I was too shy to tell him that.

Finally he made a comment. He said “you can tutor me Kitty. You can come to my place and I can practice on you and you can guide me until I learn.”

I agreed that was a great idea. “So you will let me know when you need practice giving oral and I will tutor you and then you can tutor me on giving a blow job.” XXX seemed interested as long as we use the expression “tutor” it’s okay.

See? Kitty is helping men and women one tongue at a time by TUTORING.

"Peaceful Easy Feeling"

Last night XXX and I texted back and forth quite a bit. He was consoling me. I kept trying to explain that I wasn’t so upset about losing this last lover. It was the fact that after all our conversations the first thing that popped into his head about me is that I am FAT. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I KNOW I am fat. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out but as I said before, I can lose the weight.  But really there is more to Kitty then just the fact that I am “temporarily weight challenged”. And by the way, it’s not so much that I am fat as that I am short. I’d be the perfect weight if I were just a few inches taller.

Okay, enough about that. The point is that I am motivated to buckle down and lose the weight. More importantly I am motivated to stay on the straight and narrow with a little thing called “Fidelity”. In all honesty I have been enjoying not having to constantly look over my shoulder lately. There are no potential lovers out there other than XXX.

Last night while he was trying to pump up my ego he said that he would lick the alphabet over my body if he could. Kitty had to remind XXX that we have an agreement. XXX said “agreement for what? I never agreed to anything.” XXX really is a sweetheart. Believe me it would not take any effort at all for me to take that ride over to his place at lunch time. It wouldn’t take any effort at all for me to look into those crystal blue eyes of his then fall into his kiss. I can see myself walking up to his bedroom like so many times before. I could make love to XXX without any effort at all. My heart and soul would be completely into it. And then I remember the pain I felt when we ended the first time. At least now when one of these jerks hurt me I can go to XXX for comfort. But if I lose him again…If I lose our friendship…

So, as I like to do after losing a lover, I am going to take a break from the life of a prowler. Just a break…for now because quite frankly after all the drama with the last jerk I am sincerely enjoying that peaceful easy feeling of just being an ordinary wife and mother.

Friends

XXX and I are at sort of a weird point with our friendship. We are friends by his definition. I consider us friends as well…”work friends”. Do you all have different types of friends? XXX mention a while back that we should go to dinner or for drinks. That is impossibility for me. I invited him for lunch the other day via text. He misunderstood and thought my text was code. We finally caught up in person today and hashed it out. XXX and I communicate much better in person…and in bed. When he told me he thought my text was code I told him “I’m pretty easy to understand. When I ask you to lunch it means ‘do you want to go to lunch?’ If I want to suck your dick I will let you know straight out.” Man did XXX turn beet red when I said that but by this point I am so frustrated with his mood swings. I have to say that I have changed in that way from when we were first having our affair. For whatever reason his weird relationship with his wife transfers over into our relationship only there is a role reversal. XXX is his wife in our relationship and I become him. He is always saying now that he doesn’t ever know whether he is “in or out” with her. I pointed out to him the other day that I can’t tell anymore whether I am “in or out” with him. I do love that about XXX…not that I can’t tell whether I am “in or out” but I can discuss it with him. Oh, I know that I am always in. I have to be a patient and loyal friend to him and I am.

So back to the definition of “Friend”. Webster’s defines friend as:

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance

2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group

3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)

4: a favored companion

In light of the confusion with XXX I realized that he and I may never be the kind of friends that socialize outside of work. Hence, we are “Work Friends”. My real life friends and I go out to lunch, to each other’s houses, shopping. We socialize outside of work. Then I have my gym friends who I just meet at the gym for class or we chat while we are on the treadmills.

Then of course I have my online friends. Some on Facebook and some from Ashley Madison. These are the friends that I may never meet in person but we email several times a week which has its merits.

I also have a select number of male friends that I have fucked once and although we will never meet in person again we keep in touch via chat or email.

The other night I had a quick but sweet chat online with “Unsatisfied”. I see him online often but generally do not initiate a chat. He and I agreed to meet once back in September and not meet again. We have chatted here and there since our meeting just to say “hi” and “Happy Holidays”. I felt compelled to initiate a chat with “Unsatisfied” last night in light of the misunderstanding with XXX. I told “Unsatisfied” that our arrangement was one of the best experiences that I have had. He and I made an agreement and stuck to it. Neither of us has violated the other’s trust or the boundaries of our agreement. We never discuss meeting again which is fine by both of us. I told him last night that the encounters that I have had that have gone sour are with men who have insisted that they wanted more than just one encounter. They each claimed they wanted something ongoing and then of course did not follow through. That disappointed Kitty especially since things were going so well until I met this particular group of men. So, even though “Unsatisfied” and I were a “One and Done” we are friends by definition.

After my discussion with XXX today I am fine with just being “Work Friends”.

Mommy Porn

The other day one of my friends asked for a kindle book recommendation. I of course made a wise crack about porn. Oh yes, my obsession over porn is well known among my family and friends. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I have porn on the television or computer 24/7 but yes…if you pick up my kindle you will find several free books that I have downloaded about achieving a better orgasm and making your sex life better. Kitty is pretty open and honest about sex with my kids. Again, I don’t rub their faces in it and I am not signing them up for Ashley Madison but if any of them ever have questions, they know they can come to me and ask and I will give them an honest and (sometimes too graphic for their liking) answer.

So anyway one of my friends recommended the book series “Shades of Grey”. She called it “Mommy Porn”. Kitty thought that was funny so I decided to look into it. Well can I just tell you that considering these books are on the “New York Times Best Sellers” list I am pleasantly surprised. Oh, Kitty is only 26% through the book according to my kindle but I am enjoying every sexually explicit page.

I mentioned the book to XXX and his tight ass assistant who also heard the book was good. Sure enough XXX asked if it is straight out porn or on the “New York Times Best Sellers” list. I was happy to report that I was reading a somewhat reputable book for a change. XXX is forever trying to make me an intellectual like him. This may be as close as I get.

So I wanted to recommend to all of you that if you are looking for something sexy to read but something that you can read in front of your “vanilla crowd” start with “Fifty Shades of Grey”. You won’t be disappointed.

What Now?

When XXX offered up sex to comfort me that stirred up all sorts of feelings as you can imagine. My initial reaction was “How about tomorrow?” Yea, see that’s yet another problem that Kitty has. I speak…or in this case text before I think. Luckily XXX had a meeting scheduled so we agreed to talk about it before jumping in.  In the meantime I called him while on one of my infamous dog-walks. After talking to XXX I felt 1.pathetic and 2. Like I don’t want to fuck up our friendship again by sleeping with him.

I felt pathetic because even though I know he doesn’t mean it this way, his offer felt like kind of a “let me just fuck you and get it over with so I don’t have to hear you complain anymore.” Like I said, I know he didn’t mean it that way. He told me he didn’t. The problem which we both realize is that things will end and they will probably end badly like the first time. I’m just not sure I have it in me to fight my way back to this place where we are now which is completely open honest and fond of each other as platonic friends. Some things have changed for the better between us but the ending will be the same.

Kitty hopped on Ashley Madison for a record breaking 10 minutes this time. In that time I got two requests from men whose pictures feature them in briefs (underwear). Can I just tell you men out there that no woman thinks briefs are sexy? If you wear them that’s fine. My suggestion is just don’t advertise it.

At some point in the day T-Bone texted me as though nothing happened. He obviously did not think anything of the day’s events. Granted there was no drama. Kitty is not one for drama. I think Mrs. T Bone is one for drama so I could see that he wasn’t clear on my not being pleased. I decided to write him an email. The email was as kind as I could make it but basically it said “I want attention and you haven’t had your dick inside of me in a while so I think we should call it a day.” Kitty used nicer words and prettied it up but you get the gist.

A few weeks ago T-Bone had made a comment that if I ever broke it off with him he would be upset but would not press the issue. At the time the thought of ending things with T-Bone couldn’t have been farther from my mind. When I clicked the “send” button on that email I fully expected not to hear from T-Bone again…but I did…and it broke my heart. He wanted me to change my mind. My heart wasn’t completely in that email in the first place so how could I change my mind? I told him that I didn’t want to hurt him. To make a long story short we ended up talking at our regular lunch time. We still have a lot to work out. T-Bone doesn’t understand how I feel or why I feel that way. I try to explain. I try to be kind when I explain. We’ll see…

Silver Lining?

When things ended with T-Bone there was really only one person I could talk to about it…well one person who really knows me. I tried to run things through my head on my own. I tried to self talk myself out of feeling sad but I started to get angry. When Kitty gets angry things can get ugly. I figured I have listened to him vent enough about his Cunt wife so I decided to text XXX hoping he could offer some comfort.

We began texting. He was at work and I knew I should not bother him there but I have to give him credit he really stepped up.  So we texted back and forth for a bit. I gave him a summary of what happened and how things ended. He asked, “So did he break up with you?”

Kitty:“Does it really matter? It’s done”

A few more texts then XXX texts “If you need me, I’m here for you in any capacity.”

Kitty: “LOL…ANY capacity???? Be careful

XXX: "I can meet you if it helps. Anything”

Kitty: “Thanks. I have the kids now. Are you offering sex?”

XXX:”Yes, if it helps”

Kitty:”Wow”

To Be Continued…

Cheerleader

Okay boys. If you thought this was going to be a post about a threesome with a bunch of blonde, busty cheerleaders you had better move on. You got it; this is another feel good post about me and XXX. We were working together yesterday. It was a tough one. Apparently he had a rough morning with his assistants so by the time I arrived the atmosphere was tense. In an effort to lighten the mood XXX had me tell a funny story to his assistants which was sexual in nature. Needless to say they did not laugh. XXX was extremely apologetic but I spent the rest of the afternoon quietly surfing the internet. At one point XXX walked by and saw that I was logged onto my Ashley Madison account. He smiled his devilish smile at me. So I took that as an invitation and went into his office to discuss the activity on Ashley Madison.

I told XXX that Dodger had commented that my photo on Ashley Madison did not do me justice. XXX had me log onto my account and he agreed. He said he would take a better picture of me. He said I am more beautiful in person and my picture makes me look like a Mennonite Grandmother. Yeah…XXX is a CHARMER isn’t he?!!?!

He also took a look at some of the prospects who have emailed me…one in particular. XXX is supportive of my Ashley Madison activity only because he knows me. He knows that Kitty is a good kitty and really just wants someone nice to play with. Unfortunately XXX is committed to wasting his life waiting for his wife to take him back so that he can live forever in a celibate state. So XXX is trying to be a supportive friend although I can see from the look in his eyes that he knows these men I am communicating with are TROUBLE…one in particular. XXX also knows that he is going to have to pick up the pieces just as he has been doing so I guess he wants to brace himself.

This afternoon I stopped by XXX’s office to say goodbye for the weekend. He was alone. We talked again about the Ashley Madison situation and what kitty is looking for in a playmate. I told XXX that I am looking for him without all the bullshit that we had. Once again the subject turned to our affair. Once again I assured him that what happened between us was for the best. He has fond memories of our affair and at times I do too. He had tears in his eyes as we were talking about it. I never saw that from him before. I told him that I went back to read some of my blog posts from back then (September/October 2011). I reminded him that although the sex was good afterwards he spent our time together whining about how he wanted Angry Guy to give me the attention I deserve. I told him that wasn’t sexy. We joked a little about oral sex. I made the mistake of telling him that oral is not his “strong suit”. He feigned taking offense to my remark. I explained that G spoiled me by giving me absolute perfect oral. XXX asked what G did that made it perfect so I tried to explain it.

You are now asking, “What’s your point Kitty?” Well, the whole time we were having this conversation XXX was totally stroking my ego. He insisted our love affair was wonderful and that he didn’t want to end it yadda yadda. He asked me what he should do about his situation with his wife. I told him to go back to her and have an affair with me. To which his response was.

“Kitty, people got hurt last time. I’m not going to do that again. I know you SAID you weren’t hurt but…” It was at that point that I realized this man really knows me. He is absolutely right. I was devastated at the end of our affair. I did love XXX. I DO love XXX. We both agree that we can’t be together. We both agree that his wife’s mood swings will drag us down and I agree with XXX that I can’t be part of that.

This man is my friend, my supporter and he is my biggest cheerleader and since he can’t fulfill my needs, he is going to do what he can to help me find someone who can.

One of my special new friends on Ashley Madison emailed me that he wanted to be “the new XXX with a different handle”. My new special friend has got some pretty big shoes to fill but nobody wants him to succeed more than me.

Do They EVER Think About Kitty?

Last night XXX and I had a fairly long text conversation. I started it because he was due to go to that party with his “Cunt Wife” so I thought I would tease him a little bit. It turns out the party was earlier in the day and he was already at the bar by the time we started texting. I don’t know if he was drunk or not but if I didn’t know any better I’d think he was flirting with me. He wanted me to meet him for dinner. Okay…THAT’s not gonna happen! Then he invited me to breakfast this morning. I would have but I have a religious obligation with my kids.

I think XXX wanted to give me a pep talk. I was feeling let down. The entire day passed and I did not receive one text or email from any of my playmates. NOT ONE! Okay, that’s not fair. One playmate did email me just to let me know that he fucked his wife that morning and while Kitty loves a good fucking story I was not in the mood to discuss anybody but Kitty.

I asked XXX if he thought these men ever think about me. He assured me that they do but their family lives take priority…I’m thinking more like family lives, then professional lives…then any other friends or Ashley Madison hook-ups they are working on…then…

Don’t ask me why but my immediate instinct is to put my needs aside to please my partner then when I realize they don’t give two shits about my feelings I feel let down and a little resentful. This is exactly what happened with XXX and I could feel it beginning to happen with THE Client. He never once asked about me. He never once asked about my life…never once. Same with…well….ALL OF THEM!

XXX has to work really hard to bring himself back from a rant about his wife and then he will look at me and realize then say “enough about me. What’s going on in your life?” It is so FORCED…but at least he does it. I suppose that’s the most I can ask for. Hey, I am not a whiner and I am not going to spend my time whining about my home life because in reality I have it pretty good here. But Kitty needs love and attention too. Just an indication that one of my playmates gives two shits about how my day is going is all it takes. Ahhh it’s a vicious circle isn’t it?

Another Weird Day

Don’t ask me why but whenever Big Cheese is out of town things in the office become “WEIRD”. Today I actually planned to keep a low profile and work. I didn’t even write blog posts which is what I usually do. Can I just tell you that Kitty is SWAMPED with work and Big Cheese has been so distracted lately that it is just building up. My days have become all about putting out fires so I welcomed the break with Big Cheese out of the office today.

First the day started with my Little Latino Helper coming in. He was hanging around wanting to chit chat but Kitty was not focused. I had just posted something on Facebook. I asked him if he is on Facebook. He said “of course!” in his thick Latino accent. Then he pushed me aside and grabbed my computer keyboard and requested himself as a friend. I warned him that my Facebook can get a little “silly”. Oh yeah, Kitty isn’t just silly on my blog. I am silly pretty much 24/7 in some capacity. Hey, at least I am REAL…right???

So no sooner did my Little Latino Helper request himself as a friend on my Facebook but he accepts my friend request and proceeds to message me all morning. At which point I finally typed “GET TO WORK!” then logged off myself.

Next the cute attorney from down the hall stopped by. I can tell that he is ready for a long visit because he brought in a cup of coffee and sat himself down at the empty desk next to me. I had considered up to this point having T-Bone stop by for a visit and perhaps a quickie on my desk but then I realize it’s better if he stay put. Later of course T-Bone told me that I should have texted him and he would have come right over to fuck me on my desk. Ahhh….T-Bone….

So when the cute attorney down the hall finally got bored…well actually the phone started ringing off the hook and I had to answer it…he went back to his little office.

In the meantime XXX shot me an email with a professional question as well as a “How’s your life?” I answered both of his questions and told him that life is good leaving out details since Kitty is well aware now that my emails are being monitored on his end.

Sure enough 3 minutes later XXX shows up at my office door. Now let me tell you that XXX very rarely comes to MY office so that in itself was WEIRD. We talked quickly about his professional question. He was acting particularly strange. He was in a good mood…or at least I thought. He was walking around the office and straightening all the pictures. He kept peeking into Big Cheese’s office even though he could see that he was not there. He was jumpy…and flirty. WTF?!?!?

So I knew it was coming…the questions…about the men. I assumed he was in a good mood because he was going to move back with his wife but I guess not. He told me that she was still putting it off then began asking me about my playmates. I told him about how T-Bone makes me happy. Things are good. We have fun but things aren’t heavy. I don’t get hurt if he has to cancel a playdate. In fact yesterday he cancelled but surprised me by waiting for me in my parking lot in the morning to tell me in person. Kitty thought that was nice. I don’t get nervous if he doesn’t call or text. I don’t worry about our future or if we will see each other again. We fit. That’s the only way I can describe my friendship with T-Bone. I went through the other playmates one by one leaving the Ashley Madison Bully to the end. XXX was pretty upset about that whole thing. First he assured me that there is nothing wrong with the scent or flavor of my kitty then he said to block the bully. I assured him that the bully was gone for good and not going to be a problem. He came up from behind me and began rubbing my shoulders. I am not sure if he would have gone further if I gave him the go-ahead. I am finally in a good place…a GREAT place with XXX. I am not sure if I am willing to fuck it up again.

Then XXX started on this rant about how Angry Guy is “evil” and driving me to this “horrible way of life”. XXX was being completely ridiculous. I assured him over and over that I am content and happy. Angry Guy is fine. My play toys are all traveling for the next few weeks so I am taking the opportunity to focus on home life with Angry Guy. This is good for several reasons but one thing is for sure is both Angry Guy and I both relax a little bit and let our guards down so when T-Bone comes home hopefully we can visit again without any suspicion.

I doubt I was able to convince XXX that I am content. I do love him and I always will. If we were a couple, we would be unstoppable but we are not. We are friends and I want to keep it that way. After work I got a text from T-Bone to call him. I love those texts from T-Bone. We had our afternoon chat. We laughed as always. T-Bone is traveling abroad this week so he told me he would be emailing me. T-Bone was the only normal thing about this morning. If you knew T-Bone you would know just how funny that statement is.

Sleepless

It’s 3 a.m. I can’t sleep. Angry Guy and I have had quite a week good AND bad. I have been so crazy busy at work so I figured I’d come down and at least rattle off a few blog posts. Yesterday was kind of funny. I had to run back and forth working with Big Cheese. He’s finally back in the office. On my way out for lunch I stopped to talk to XXX. At that point I told him about 4 potential lovers. Actually I told him that I am communicating with 4 men about hooking up but none of them had time for Kitty that minute. Part of my problem I guess is that when I want attention…I WANT attention. It doesn’t have to necessarily be sex. Texting or calling is nice. XXX was funny. He said in disbelief “You have FOUR potential lovers?!?!?!” I wasn’t looking to brag. I promise. And XXX didn’t take it that way. We don’t do that to one another. I was just venting that I was on my way out to lunch and getting love from NOONE. Apparently they did not read Kat’s blog about the love and feeding of a mistress.

By the end of the day I stopped by XXX’s office. I had had an incident with a client…not THE client but a close partner of his. The incident wasn’t dramatic on that end but some shit that was going on was really pissing me off and I wanted to vent to someone…anyone. THE CLIENT…you know…the one that was texting and calling last week was busy so I haven’t heard from him and I knew damn well he didn’t want to hear me complain about his partner so I refrained from texting him. In fact I promised myself that I would back away from that situation. I can already see the signs of neglect and I haven’t even fucked him!

So on my way out for the day I stopped once again to vent to XXX. His standard line is “We have to figure out how to make you some money.” It’s funny. XXX seems to think that money will solve all of my problems. I’ll admit a tropical vacation would be nice but in the scheme of things companionship is what I am lacking.

XXX was telling me that he has a party to go to with his “Cunt Wife”. Together we realized that there is something about these gatherings that make her horny for XXX so I suggested XXX pack his things in his condo, and have a moving company ready. I suggested he go to the party with Cunt and when she gets all excited and she is fucking him he should give the moving company a signal to move his shit back in the house when she is not paying attention. That made us both laugh but I could see XXX’s wheels turning. We walked out to our cars together. I mentioned that I was down from 4 to 3 men now. XXX sort of chuckled at the idea that we were working all day and this occurred without any drama or incident. Sometimes Kitty has to cut bait if for no other reason than to save my own self. After all, I am alone in this. These men have their own interests at heart. They are certainly not looking out for Kitty’s feelings.

Au Revoir

This morning Kitty woke up and once again deactivated my Ashley Madison profile…for now. I met some really great guys this round and am not leaving with the raw feeling that I had the last time I deactivated. I am not sure if the rest of you notice but once you  are on AM for a few weeks the same profiles keep popping up. I keep getting the same key requests from the same 64 year old man who wouldn’t be so bad if he had a few teeth.

The reason for the break has more to do with me than them this time around. After XXX and I ran into my friend and her asshole husband I was compelled to come clean with Angry Guy about the fact that XXX and I met for coffee. Needless to say he didn’t take it well. That was just a coffee confession. Can you imagine if I admitted to the fact that we actually ATE BREAKFAST?!?!?!

I think I also mentioned that XXX asked me if it is the idea of “strange dick” that turns me on or if I am looking for something more long term. Kitty has a busy week this week. I am potentially meeting three men…not all for sex but the potential is there. Kitty does not feel good about that. I’d like just one of those men…just one.

I am maintaining contact via email with some of the great guys that I met this time around on AM and if you think it’s over for me you couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just want to let things cool down with Angry Guy. I want to see what my buddy T-Bone brings to the table and of course there is always the hope that my client may be just the friend I need to cool my jets here and there although he is extremely busy and dealing with a lot of crap.

This week is starting off on the right foot. So au revoir for now Ashley Madison…au revoir...for now.

See What Happens?

Where oh where do I begin? Should I start by explaining about my friend who consistently blows me off each and every weekend after promising throughout the week to meet me for a workout? Yes, let’s start there. I have a friend. I have mentioned her. She recently became a personal trainer. Even before that though she and Kitty went to the gym together. My friend unfortunately is the kind of friend who promises to meet then either doesn’t show or cancels at the last minute…not always but often enough that Kitty knows not to rely on her.

Last night was Saturday night. I was bored out of my mind. All of my naughty friends were out on dates with their wives or other girlfriends. Don’t even get me started on that. I texted XXX to see if he had a date. He did not and was at a bar so we were texting back and forth. I invited him for coffee this morning since I hadn’t heard from my trainer friend and low and behold he accepted. Actually the invitation morphed into a breakfast invitation. I chose a restaurant that my family frequents  but on the outskirts of town closer to XXX. The location didn’t concern me since this was to be a strictly platonic meeting. I fully expected to run into SOMEONE I knew. When I arrived XXX was already there waiting in his car.

Across the street I spied my friend the trainer’s car. I warned XXX that she might be in there. He asked if I wanted to go someplace else. I said “no” and tried to quickly explain the thing about her blowing me off to train and here she was at breakfast.

Sure enough she was front and center as we walked into the restaurant. She was with her husband and her kid. I don’t particularly care for her husband and he certainly doesn’t care for Kitty. I think he thinks I influence his wife to be more independent and he would prefer she stay a trophy wife that he can control and berate. Anyway, she and I quickly acknowledged that the other was not working out but I did not parade XXX over to introduce him. Kitty acted pretty normal and tried to keep my cool. XXX didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Anyway, my friend’s husband kept eyeballing me and was trying to check XXX out. XXX by the way looked pretty cute although he was suffering from hay fever so he wasn’t feeling that great. As my friend and her family left her husband made one last attempt to catch my eye. I made every effort to avoid his. So now what?

I am playing it cool and refraining from texting my friend but at the same time trying to decide whether I should alert Angry Guy to the fact that XXX and I met for breakfast. Depending on Angry Guy’s mood he may not care…depending on his mood. See what happens when Kitty tries to be legit?

Friend Material

Kitty has a lot of friends in real life both male and female…platonic friends. XXX is always making a point of saying “You have A LOT of friends” whenever I tell him a story. I can’t help it. I have a collection of unique people whose company I enjoy. Most of them I can tell almost anything to. Most of them I love like family.

XXX has been referring to us as friends for a long time now but we never actually do anything “friend –like”. I mean we don’t go to the movies or socialize outside of work…OH…except for that brief period of time when we met at his place and FUCKED. That’s an entirely different kind of friendship all together. So I thought XXX and I had agreed to be platonic friends. He has mentioned on more than one occasion that we should go out to dinner or a drink. Interesting. I wonder what Angry Guy would say if I mentioned that I was going out drinking with XXX. Something tells me that Angry Guy would not approve. So I recommended lunch sometime instead.

Well today Kitty found myself with a few hours free after work before I had to pick up the kids from school so against my better judgment I texted XXX “What are the chances I can talk you into going out to lunch with me today? My treat!”

Now I thought that was a pretty light hearted invitation and fairly clear that it was lunch I was going for and not sex. Well to make a long story short XXX graciously declined my invitation somehow mistaking lunch for an invitation to bed. On the one hand I felt rejected but on the other hand I thought “You pompous JACKASS!”

I was pleased to be able to text XXX that it was JUST lunch and “nothing else”. To which his reply was “oh”. NICE!

I could feel his ego deflate from down the hall. After that of course he was too embarrassed to go to lunch and did not resurface for the rest of the day. I know he is having a tough time and I am trying to be a supportive friend. Being a friend to me also means doing social things. Big Cheese takes me out to lunch on a regular basis and there is no sexual tension on my end at all.

Poor XXX. No wonder he has no friends. Maybe we are just going to have to be friends at work and not “REAL friends”. Maybe XXX is just not friend material.