I haven't seen XXX in years which is funny because we actually live in the same town now...opposite sides of town but still...
I still think about him, wonder about him. Is he still married? Is he happy? Probably not. He's just not the happy type but still, I wonder.
So last night even though I was picking up takeout from a restaurant just down the block from his house...a restaurant we used to joke about being for old people, I was somewhat surprised to see him walk past my car with his dog. He has a DOG!!! I don't see him as an animal lover. He looked kind of strange so I wasn't quite sure it was him.
Without thinking I waved and smiled. He looked like he vaguely recognized me. I rolled down my car window. We exchanged pleasantries very briefly. "How are you?" yadda yadda. I made a quick joke about the restaurant.
It was a 60 second exchange and then I drove away passing him one last time but looking the other way. We pretended, I guess. HE pretended...
...that he didn't used to text me in the morning to meet him at his apartment after work.
...that he didn't used to fuck me from behind while we watched in the bedroom mirror
...that I didn't ride him reverse cowgirl style until we both came
...that just like the others he deceived me and discarded me for what he thought was someone better.
For those 60 seconds I pretended...
...that he didn't make me feel worthless by discarding me.
...that he didn't deceive me.
...that he didn't pretend to keep me close to make sure that I wouldn't tell his bat shit crazy wife.
...that I didn't cheat on my husband who I now realize was at one time the love of my life.
Years later...
