Friday, December 21, 2012

Transistor Radios, VHS Porn and Vibrators

So AG and I were talking yesterday. He was looking for a transistor radio. Kitty had to teach AG how to use Amazon. I know I know...should we start with AG being old enough to enjoy "transistor" radios? Or should we discuss the fact that he reads blogs and surfs porn on the web but has never dealt with Amazon? I'll tell you what...let's let both sleeping dogs lay for now because once I directed AG to Amazon he then said he was also looking for a VHS player!! This all led to a conversation about my father having a porn stash in VHS as well as super 8. We then discussed the fact that my mother wants me to get my father's porn stash out of her house so that nobody finds it know. AG told me he has the same concerns about his porn stash. I told him I think it is more acceptable in the eyes of the public to find porn in the home of a single man as opposed to a single senior citizen female. This all led to my asking AG if he ever read this post that I had written about vibrators. And so, I am re-posting because I just can't expect my dear, sweet, AG to find his way to this post on his own when he can't even deal with Amazon...

Picture this…your mother passes away suddenly. You are in charge of sorting through her worldly possessions and in that drawer right next to her side of the bed…you find…her vibrator collection!!!!

Horrifying right?? Well I for one would be surprised but not horrified. I did actually bring the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence attachment potential up to my mom. See, my mom bought me the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence kit and there is a “massage” attachment which looks suspiciously like something that you should put up against your…um…your CLIT. She was suspiciously nonchalant about it so I have my guard up.
My own kids are a different story. If I were to get into a tragic accident in the now I would hope that Angry Guy has the sense to remove any and all toys which would potentially scar my young children. This is highly unlikely as he quite often used to leave my warming gel front and center on the nightstand after he used it.

Okay so what about when I am my mom’s age?

WTF?! Do I have to live everyday like it will be my last? Is that what that expression means?? CLEAR YOUR DRAWERS OF ALL YOUR SEX TOYS!!!

Well what the hell am I supposed to do? For now I am staying put and the toys stay where they are which is practically in plain sight. Maybe that is a good thing. If my kids get used to seeing them then when I die they won’t be scarred. They will just chuck my big green friend in the trash.

I hope they take the batteries out first so they can use them for something else. That would be a terrible waste of batteries. Don’t ‘cha think??

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Naughty Kitty Kifle

I know, I know…Kitty is a slacker! Well in an effort to show my dedication to my fellow bloggers and to let you all know that I am still alive and well and as naughty as ever…I got my ass in gear and found yet another delicious cookie recipe for the cookie exchange. Enjoy everybody and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

2 Sticks Butter
8 oz. Cream cheese
2 C. Flour
Combine dough ingredients. Roll small dough balls into small flat circles in a flour/sugar mixture. Fill with jelly. Fold in ½ moon shape. Bake 350 degrees 15-20 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar.