Kitty Distracted

I’m not sure what’s going on with me. Is it age? Hormones? I dunno but the other night when Freddie and Kitty hit the sheets Kitty was just not into it. I mean I looked across the table at him at dinner and got wet. No doubt. We were talking and dining. He was as nice as could be. Kitty had on my sexy black bra and red silky g-string even though I had a heck of a calorie busting dinner the night before with friends and wasn’t feeling sexy. But I still was up for that cock of Freddie’s. Was it the fact that he was smoking every chance he got whenever we were outside back and forth from the car? This was definitely reminiscent of Angry Guy and yes a turn off for Kitty but I keep telling myself this is just about sex. I don’t need to change Freddie and he sure as hell isn’t going to change me.

Was it the fact that I was still recuperating from my Surfer Dude fucking although that was so soft, sweet and relaxing it wasn’t as though I was sore or raw from it.

I’ll admit that when Freddie’s tongue touched my cunt I immediately thought of the velvet touch of Surfer Dude’s tongue and how I responded immediately. For whatever reason Freddie’s tongue felt too rough. His hands too rough. His fingers crammed into my ass way too hard.

I will say that his cock got nice and hard and Freddie does have a nice big hard cock. Kitty does like that. Kitty even managed to ride Freddie’s cock for a little bit. Freddie said, “Your pussy is so tight.” Even though I don’t think it was meant to be a compliment, I had to think, “how fucking loose was your ex?”

Freddie should be pleased that Kitty is so tight although I think it has more to do with the fact that he has quite a big cock…quite possibly the biggest Kitty has ever had the pleasure of sucking on.

In the end Kitty got herself off with my own bullet while Freddie fumbled between trying to lick my clit and play with his fingers. Kitty has spoiled Freddie to the point where all he wants is one of Kitty’s signature blow jobs and to cum in Kitty’s mouth. Freddie, I think needs to earn that. He is taking it for granted and Kitty can’t allow that. So, Kitty told Freddie to come on my tits. I think he enjoyed it. In the end he came. He wanted to lay and spoon all night but Kitty was anxious to get home.

“Someday, I’d like to wake up next to you like this,” he said from behind.

Kitty thought. “Yeah, NOT going to happen!” In reality Kitty smiled at Freddie and said, “Well, you never know.”

Is Kitty getting too full of myself? I think maybe this extra weight has me distracted. I no longer feel sexy. Kitty has to pull myself together and Kitty has got to do that NOW.

 

Another Great Guest Post by DiscreteEsq

By now you are all well aware of my fondness for my Ashley Madison friends (platonic of course except for one exception) and my friend DiscreteEsq has resurfaced after some health and family issues. He sent me this great story and with his blessing I am posting it for you all to read. Perhaps DiscreteEsq should take a look at my “Lost orgasm ‘Sex and the City' post” Don’t worry DiscreteEsq; I am sure you will get your orgasm back soon. It happens to the best of us. In the meantime, thanks for the guest post and welcome back!

Great story….

I was bored and felt a bit horny. So, I went to a club down the street… Met three girls who were out celebrating a birthday and out of nowhere said, 'we want to see some pussy."  I’m sitting at the bar, bored out of my mind and laughed. They wanted to go to a strip club a couple blocks away. Apparently, they had a good friend who was a stripper and one of them wanted to see her pussy. We went to the strip club. At the club, I tried my hardest to get one of the chicks but she was into some dude who looked like he was all about MMA and fucking whatever he could. Her sister and other friend wanted to tease the shit out of me. They got me to buy them a lap dance with their stripper friend, Claire…. Love that name.  It was hot... We left the VIP room and her friend was sitting there alone and was pissed because the MMA dude wanted to fuck in his car. She said she would have rather fucked me in my Benz than in his piece of shit. That was an odd moment. But her one friend talked her out of it while talking me into taking her number. I bought the birthday girl a lap dance with a stripper of her choice and they left.  Their stripper friend loitered around my comfort zone and we started talking about cumming and great orgasms…. Not sex, just orgasms. The last thing I remember saying at the club was, "I’m bored as hell and would love to get the living shit fucked out of me." Out of nowhere she said, "Buy me a dildo, I’ll pick out a pocket pussy for you" I was sort of shocked. Anyway, the club had a sex shop in the front and we got our toys (show n tell bar). We got to my place and she walked around and checked it out. She gave me her "stripper dance" and got my pants off.  I put two batteries in her toy and she started it up and masturbated over my head. It was short lived…. She fucked herself for about a minute, but the batteries died really fast. It was like a car that wouldn't start. We couldn't get it to work. It turns out that her toy wasn't the only thing having startup issues.

We are trying to get the vibrator to work. It's dead, or as the Germans say, "Kaput."  Now, I’m sitting naked on my sofa and my cock is experiencing serious shrinkage. No idea why. She was sexy and wanted one thing: to cum. I wanted the same thing…. I was cold, but I think I was wrapped up in her sexuality.  The shrinkage was bad….Like really bad. In fact, It's been a while since I've seen my cock in full "turtle" mode. I was embarrassed and she knew it!  She tried to relax me by licking my dick until it got semi soft-…We made out standing up; I was thrusting her against my wife's closet. It was fucking hot. My cock was at maybe at 25%. I had a sweater on and no pants. She was completely naked. I was lost. I literally thought about you for a second. Someone to fuck and laugh with.

       Kitty, I am now humbled… I felt her perfect pussy and tried to get the tip of my dick inside her.  The harder I tried, the softer I got. For some reason I was getting softer and softer. I wanted her so bad but I was brain fucking myself….  Turtle dick was in full effect.  I felt like I was in a tub of ice.  I was really bad. If my wife saw my pathetic cock, she would leave me for a dude with a small dick. I tried rubbing myself but couldn't even get myself hard!!!!! I was so fucking embarrassed!  I’m not huge by any means, but I have good size. Some girls have told me it's big, some say it’s perfect. I’m not one to brag, but my dick is nice. It has a good curve and it's compatible with most pussies.Now, I know I sound like TV commercial for radio shack by saying that, but I have a quality cock. Off the record, my dick is not a radio shack dick…. it’s more like an apple- unique, nice to look at, easy to use, and has a really nice design.

Back to my story… I knew she saw dick earlier when it was relaxed, and I kept thinking that she saw a good cock…. BUT, I was experiencing severe shrinkage and there was nothing I could do to get out of it!!!!!!! I was saying things like, "This is odd, and my cock looks really bad." I actually asked her if should try to jerk myself off. She was cool with it and started to talk to my dick. Yes, it was cute and a turn on. That didn't work and we sort of laughed. Meanwhile, I’m half naked against my wife's juicy couture sweats wishing for a miracle.

We made out for awhile. I was trying to rub my dick against her leg to get hard, but it really didn't work. She grabbed my dick so hard it hurt. That didn't get me hard either. As visions of Viagra went through my head we ended up in the bathroom. I was still soft/small/turtle…. Put it this way, the head of my friend was attempting to see the light.  She said, “I thought you were uncut for a minute…" At that point I thought my balls rose into my throat.

To make matters worse she spoke with a British accent and said something like, "You need a little trim on your willy." THEN SHE SHAVED MY COCK and BALLS BALD! She said she wanted my "penis" to look like her "flower." (THOSE WERE HER WORDS- Penis and flower). Now, in all honesty, my wife has sucked me off and shaved me, but it's been a few weeks. It was clean, but a bit long.  I love trimming, but my cock needed a little trim. She started with clippers, then she used our razors and shaving cream.  She used two shaving creams!!!! (I’m sort of metro sexual- I have several shaving creams)….  In fact, I think I still have shaving cream on me…. Yeah, I’m sitting here with my pants off, rubbing my dick and I think that's some sort of cream….

My dick was stuck at small. She said fuck me with the vibrator. DUDE, I was trying my hardest to get the fucking vibrator to work! I was shaking the shit out of it. Out of nowhere, she started dripping lube on my cock (Er… apparently lube is huge with strippers.) She kept dripping it on me while inserting the non-working dildo in her pussy.

The fucking vibrator ended working…. There was some plastic in the battery compartment. I put the thing on full speed. Wow, she had an amazing pussy. She got my cock hard. She lubed me up, put the rubber vagina on me and rubbed me solid. Got me hard for a nice fuck. Lasted awhile. She said she liked my dick but it was hard work. LOL! I faked an orgasm! She left and  I’m still sitting here naked… Will I ever cum again?

Where Old Vibrators Go to Die

Picture this…your mother passes away suddenly. You are in charge of sorting through her worldly possessions and in that drawer right next to her side of the bed…you find…her vibrator collection!!!!

Horrifying right?? Well I for one would be surprised but not horrified. I did actually bring the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence attachment potential up to my mom. See, my mom bought me the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence kit and there is a “massage” attachment which looks suspiciously like something that you should put up against your…um…your CLIT. She was suspiciously nonchalant about it so I have my guard up.

My own kids are a different story. If I were to get into a tragic accident in the now I would hope that Angry Guy has the sense to remove any and all toys which would potentially scar my young children. This is highly unlikely as he quite often leaves my warming gel front and center on the nightstand after he uses it.

Okay so what about when I am my mom’s age?

WTF?! Do I have to live everyday like it will be my last? Is that what that expression means?? CLEAR YOUR DRAWERES OF ALL YOUR SEX TOYS!!!

Well what the hell am I supposed to do? For now I am staying put and the toys stay where they are which is practically in plain sight. Maybe that is a good thing. If my kids get used to seeing them then when I die they won’t be scarred. They will just chuck my big green friend in the trash.

I hope they take the batteries out first so they can use them for something else. That would be a terrible waste of batteries. Don’t ‘cha think??

Orgasm in a Box

One of the perks of advertising on my blog is that I can get free sex toys to test on occasion. All I have to do is find a willing participant to test them WITH me.

The first product I chose is called “Orgasm in a Box”.

One thing is for sure. When the box arrived I opened it in the privacy of my bedroom with the door locked. I learned that lesson after the “Supersex” incident.

So the product came today and I have decided to take the responsibility of reviewing “Orgasm in a Box” seriously. Yeah, I know you don’t believe me but guess what…I am completely serious.

My father would be very proud at my analytical tendencies with this task. So first off I unwrapped the package. I did it carefully because I wanted to see if the product packaging lends itself to gift giving and the answer is “YES”. Listen, I know that “Orgasm in a Box” is not necessarily an appropriate Christmas or Hanukkah gift to open in front of the kids but it sure makes a nice presentation for a private gift giving session or a bachelor/bachelorette party gift.

So, included in the box is the Silver Bullet which has a remote control. How fun is that?!?!?!  It also includes a Bunny tickler, a few individually wrapped tubes of lube and get this!!! Batteries!! How many times do you get a gift on a holiday when all the stores are closed and it requires batteries which you don’t have in the house?!?! Laugh if you will but this shit happens to me all the time.

So now comes the testing portion of the review. Well let me tell you one thing. I have absolutely no experience with either the Silver Bullet or the Bunny Tickler so I expect a learning curve because I have never seen such a thing and there were not directions online for using it. That’s what I’m here for!!!!

It’s been two weeks since my last confession…oh wait…sorry…habit. Actually “The Angry Guy” has had a mean ass cold and we put the testing process on hold…well sort of.

I got tired of waiting and put the damn batteries in myself and decided to test out the damn thing myself so I could write this for God’s Sake. Doesn’t “The Angry Man” know that I have deadlines?!?!?! Jeez-us! Some “able bodied” assistant he turned out to be!!

So I have to say that this little Silver Bullet packs a powerful punch for a $20 bill. I highly recommend it for a starter toy for somebody who is not willing to make the big investment in the INA for instance. Although the INA looks to be more my speed but well out of my price range.

So the Silver bullet is quite fun. It has a remote control which can be tons of fun with a partner I think. If “The Angry Guy” ever gets better I may ask him to hold the remote just for fun.

The bunny attachment is a tickler more or less. So basically if you like a light touch you use the bunny attachment. If you are looking for hard core vibration you go old school with the Silver Bullet.

My only critique is that someone like me…who can’t wipe their own ass without a set of directions could really use a set of dos and don’ts  with this item. I am not all that experienced with toys. The Babeland website is full of great information and instructions. I just didn’t see instructions for the Silver bullet item specifically.

Bottom line take a chance. It’s $20 for God’s sake! What can you buy anymore for $20?

Oh, and if Babeland is reading…SEND ME THE INA!!! It’s going to be a long, cold winter.

P.S. I tried to link this to Babeland’s website but Blogger freaked out and took my blog as SPAM/Pornography if you can imagine. So please click on the Babeland badge on the left if you would like to do some naughty shopping with Naughty Kitty.