The Spell

Sitting across from him last night at dinner, I listened to him speak and thought, "God, I love this man!" Oh shit!!! There it is again...the "L" word!!! I can't help it. I use it all the time now. WE use it all the time. There are times that if I could crawl inside of him to get closer I would. The electricity when he grabs my hand as we walk or when his lips wrap around my nipples when we fuck is indescribable. It makes me wet just thinking about it.

"You are my Viagra," he tells me as I gaze at his beautiful rock hard cock  with absolutely no enhancements what so ever.

All it takes is a look...a glance...him brushing up against me and I become wet.

I often want to write to let my blogging buddies know that I am still here. I am well and happier than I could ever imagine and at the same time I have no idea how I got here. "It doesn't matter," he tells me when I say this to him. "The road ahead is what we need to focus on."

Every word out of his mouth is like poetry even in bed when he talks about fucking...but we don't "fuck" we make love. I know...gross...but it's true. The connection is undeniable and when I think about ever being with another man...well I can't and this is coming from a woman who made a pledge to never being monogamous again.

I am clearly under some sort of spell but it is a spell that I pray never breaks.

The File

This morning when Kitty got into work I put his file away. We aren’t expecting to hear any news until late December and quite frankly it’s torture seeing his name constantly through the day. Every computer file I open has his name on it or one of his family members. Seeing his handwriting and knowing that he’d never be writing anything to Kitty directly other than something work related is just too much to bare right now.

We did finally get out to the farm to visit The Cowboy. For Kitty it was like being in heaven. It was a particularly cold and windy Sunday. Kitty and daughter drove over an hour to get up there. He and his brother were waiting for us. Kitty’s Grinch heart leapt when I saw them both. The Cowboy’s brother is quite a bit younger, handsome, and well-educated and has the sexiest voice Kitty has ever heard. He was the first of the brothers to charm Kitty and it was a pleasure to finally meet him in person.

The brothers gave us a brief tour of the farm. We joked about Kitty riding one of the cows and The Cowboy saddled up two horses then The Cowboy took Kitty’s daughter for her very first horseback ride. The brothers were so kind and hospitable Kitty can’t help but fall head over heels. But alas, The Cowboy simply does not feel the same way about Kitty.

In an effort to show what a good farmer’s girlfriend Kitty could be, I made a pumpkin bread for The Cowboy as a “thank you”.

“How did you know I love pumpkin bread?” He said as I handed it to him. Kitty smiled inside.

He made a comment to Kitty’s daughter about learning how to cook and Kitty secretly hoped The Cowboy was thinking, “Damn this woman is a PERFECT!”

Kitty hoped and wished all week that The Cowboy would call. I did call him for a faux work related question. He said the bread was “good” and “moist” and that he and his brothers “devoured it before it could get into the house”.  And while Kitty hung onto these words hoping that they meant something more, in the end they were just kind words from a really nice guy who has no romantic interest in Kitty what so ever.

Does this make Kitty sad? Absolutely! Kitty can see myself with The Cowboy long term. I can see myself spending the weekends on the farm working, and playing. Kitty can see myself taking care of The Cowboy. I can see myself cooking for him and after a long hard day on the farm making love to him.  I can see myself enjoying his big family and all the wonderful occasions they enjoy together.

This past weekend The Cowboy was in a wedding…another brother’s wedding. We talked a little about it. Kitty was hoping that by some miracle he would invite me to be his guest. Apparently there was some drama with the mother of The Cowboy’s son. She was invited to the wedding as well but was throwing a tantrum over not being invited to the bridal shower.

Kitty wanted to shout “TAKE ME!!! I’M DRAMA FREE!!!” Instead Kitty told The Cowboy to have a good time and to send me pictures of himself all dressed up in a tuxedo. Kitty knows The Cowboy cleans up nice.

But as the song says, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” so before Kitty loses what is left of my dignity, I decided the best thing was to put The Cowboy’s file back downstairs where it belongs, re-wrap my heart in bubble wrap, re-build my walls and move on.

Not Out of The Game Yet

Kitty has to admit that I was feeling a little low at the beginning of the week. I had waited to hear from the Cowboy in hopes that after his awkward text he would call Kitty to reschedule our visit out to his farm. When Sunday came and went Kitty had all but given up hope. Typically Kitty makes excuses when this happens…maybe he was busy…maybe he forgot…maybe he had a terrible tractor accident and needs Kitty to nurse him back to health. But Kitty has grown over the years and in the end I was resolved to the fact that the Cowboy was simply not interested in a friendship with Kitty. Since Cowboy is a client and as Surfer Dude pointed out, “It’s unprofessional to fuck a client.” Kitty had no choice but to let it go.

There is one problem with this in Kitty’s mind. Kitty just hates the awkward silence. So as Kitty was mentally preparing to fuck Esq. I began to think. Kitty has to resolve this silence with the Cowboy and make sure we are okay as Client/Kitty.

The Cowboy’s folder is front and center on Kitty’s desk. I can’t do anything without glancing over and looking at it. I had to do some work for his brothers, sisters, mother so his name has been in my head for weeks. Kitty can’t get away from thinking about the Cowboy. So Kitty did the ultimate high school girl move. Kitty called the Cowboy under the pretense of his situation as a client.

Kitty: “Hi, it’s Kitty from ****”

Cowboy: “Hey! What’s up?”

Kitty: “Nothing. I was wondering if you’ve heard anything.”

Cowboy: “No, I thought that maybe you had and that’s why you are calling.”

Kitty: “No but we should hear something soon. Please let me know if you hear anything and I will do the same.”

Cowboy: “Okay and HEY call me on Sunday. If the weather is nice you and your daughter should take a ride to the farm. It will be a nice day.”

So Kitty’s heart…or what’s left of it took just a little leap as the Cowboy and I discussed the weather and farming and business. His voice is so sexy to me and although he uses words like “ain’t” which typically drives Kitty crazy, I can’t help but get a little wet when I think about fucking this man who is really the epitome of the American man.

Kitty does have a little confession to make and I know those of you who know Kitty in person are going to give me all sorts of shit for this but Kitty can actually see myself potentially “settling down” with the Cowboy. Kitty can almost see myself being…MONOTONOUS…MONOGAMOUS.

There is something about the simplicity of his life style that appeals to Kitty. He gets up in the morning works hard until the end of the day then eats and goes to bed. Kitty doubts the Cowboy has a computer, Ipad or any electronics other than his cell phone. All of his business dealings are done through his mother and through Kitty. He has no time for nonsense and doesn’t quite get Kitty’s humor which is abundant to say the least.

The Cowboy is the kind of man that Kitty can see spending holidays with sitting around the family dinner with his absolutely huge family which I already know quite well via telephone. Oh sure, I know. Kitty is getting ahead of myself and believe me Kitty realizes that it is highly unlikely that I will get my fairy tale ending with the Cowboy.

The good news? Kitty is not out of the game yet.