The File

This morning when Kitty got into work I put his file away. We aren’t expecting to hear any news until late December and quite frankly it’s torture seeing his name constantly through the day. Every computer file I open has his name on it or one of his family members. Seeing his handwriting and knowing that he’d never be writing anything to Kitty directly other than something work related is just too much to bare right now.

We did finally get out to the farm to visit The Cowboy. For Kitty it was like being in heaven. It was a particularly cold and windy Sunday. Kitty and daughter drove over an hour to get up there. He and his brother were waiting for us. Kitty’s Grinch heart leapt when I saw them both. The Cowboy’s brother is quite a bit younger, handsome, and well-educated and has the sexiest voice Kitty has ever heard. He was the first of the brothers to charm Kitty and it was a pleasure to finally meet him in person.

The brothers gave us a brief tour of the farm. We joked about Kitty riding one of the cows and The Cowboy saddled up two horses then The Cowboy took Kitty’s daughter for her very first horseback ride. The brothers were so kind and hospitable Kitty can’t help but fall head over heels. But alas, The Cowboy simply does not feel the same way about Kitty.

In an effort to show what a good farmer’s girlfriend Kitty could be, I made a pumpkin bread for The Cowboy as a “thank you”.

“How did you know I love pumpkin bread?” He said as I handed it to him. Kitty smiled inside.

He made a comment to Kitty’s daughter about learning how to cook and Kitty secretly hoped The Cowboy was thinking, “Damn this woman is a PERFECT!”

Kitty hoped and wished all week that The Cowboy would call. I did call him for a faux work related question. He said the bread was “good” and “moist” and that he and his brothers “devoured it before it could get into the house”.  And while Kitty hung onto these words hoping that they meant something more, in the end they were just kind words from a really nice guy who has no romantic interest in Kitty what so ever.

Does this make Kitty sad? Absolutely! Kitty can see myself with The Cowboy long term. I can see myself spending the weekends on the farm working, and playing. Kitty can see myself taking care of The Cowboy. I can see myself cooking for him and after a long hard day on the farm making love to him.  I can see myself enjoying his big family and all the wonderful occasions they enjoy together.

This past weekend The Cowboy was in a wedding…another brother’s wedding. We talked a little about it. Kitty was hoping that by some miracle he would invite me to be his guest. Apparently there was some drama with the mother of The Cowboy’s son. She was invited to the wedding as well but was throwing a tantrum over not being invited to the bridal shower.

Kitty wanted to shout “TAKE ME!!! I’M DRAMA FREE!!!” Instead Kitty told The Cowboy to have a good time and to send me pictures of himself all dressed up in a tuxedo. Kitty knows The Cowboy cleans up nice.

But as the song says, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” so before Kitty loses what is left of my dignity, I decided the best thing was to put The Cowboy’s file back downstairs where it belongs, re-wrap my heart in bubble wrap, re-build my walls and move on.