Friday, November 15, 2013

"Men Love Bitches"

It’s funny actually. I was planning to write this and then Chashunk wrote his comment on my “Broken Toys” post. I have been told over and over that I try too hard. It’s my Type A personality I think. I always want to do the best I can do. I always want to have the happiest kids, dogs, home and lovers. I never thought of it as a flaw but I guess it really is!

Anyway, enough about that! Prior to reading Chashunk’s comment I had deleted all of my online dating accounts. He’s right. The single online dating scene is far different from Ashley Madison and not in a good way. It’s just not for me.

In addition one of my friends recommended a book called “Men Love Bitches”. At first I had a hard time parting with the ten bucks to download it on my kindle. A little known fact about Kitty is that I can be super cheap usually when it pertains to buying something for me. But I broke down and made the purchase. As promised this book changed my perspective. It may have changed my LIFE! At least for the time being.

In a nutshell the book is an empowering read which describes how men enjoy “the hunt” and if as a woman you go out of your way to make things easy for them, they lose interest in you and any potential for a relationship is gone. On the surface Kitty knew all of this already but Kitty HATES to play those games. Kitty HATES to play “hard to get” and Kitty HATES to fuck with people’s emotions.

For whatever reason, the way this book was written really made Kitty feel empowered. I can highly recommend the book.

Originally I had planned to write about the prospect of never having sex again. As people around me couple up one by one and as the holidays approach I am reminded that my prospects of ever having sex again are slim.

There were moments when the thought of never feeling a man’s hands on my body ever again made me sad. The thought of never feeling a hard cock inside me brought a tear to my eye. But then once again I realized that about 18 months ago I was living in a bad marriage with a man who was comfortable lying next to my naked body night after night without so much as brushing up against me.

Kitty is much MUCH happier and in all honesty I really do believe that someday I’ll feel those hands…I’ll feel that cock inside of me. Kitty has faith.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Broken Toys

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ve been online on Plenty of Fish, Ashley Madison…HELL…even Facebook. The world is full of broken people…broken “toys”. I am one among them.

I talk to my male friends and I say “I don’t think I will ever meet a man I can let my guard down with and who I can trust.” That makes me sad because when I let my guard down and trust, I think I’m pretty amazing. I must be right? I am not saying that because I am conceited…believe me. I am saying that because when I let my guard down and am myself, I am surrounded by a pretty amazing group of people and why would an amazing group like that want to hang around with someone like me?

I also think there are degrees of “broken”. I’m probably somewhere in the middle. I am coming across all sorts of interesting broken toys on Plenty of Fish. Mostly down and out types. Several were supposedly quite successful at one point and are now doing blue collar work.

Biker Dude II had some sort of hang up which I never got the chance to combat. He dumped me for some unknown reason without any notice whatsoever. I just saw a picture of him on some biker website with a young, blonde painted girl. I don’t know if she was some chick from a biking show or his new girlfriend but it made me sad and of course it made me jealous. How could he be so cold? How did he move on SO fast? And why didn’t he fall head over heels in love with me?

That’s where I am broken apparently. Biker Dude II and I were nowhere near compatible and yet I craved his attention. My friends say I deserve better. One of my male friends actually told me that I am too far over BDII’s social level not to mention education. I try not to think that way but still…

So I suppose we all have to decide what level of broken is acceptable for us. My days of saving the down and out guy are past. No, that doesn’t mean he has to be filthy rich…god forbid. It just means that I am together on a professional level as well as a personal level and I am financially responsible. I just want the same in my partner. Is that too much to ask?
I often wonder if I will ever meet someone special…someone I feel that connection with who can still maintain an erection. I wonder if I will ever have sex again. The thought of never having sex again is really upsetting to me. I’m not even 50 yet for God’s sake!

Time is slipping by and although on a day to day basis I don’t NEED a man. I’m not looking for a husband or even a live in boyfriend. I guess I’m just looking for someone whose not broken…just bent.