Scarlet Letter Kitty

Kitty has all sorts of friends trying to keep me out of trouble lately. It’s like they are on some sort of “Save Kitty’s Soul” campaign. I don’t know what that’s about but I do love my friends for trying at least. They see something in me. They feel like my soul is worth saving. Kitty is a kind person and would not intentionally hurt another living soul. I know I will find my way.

So one of Kitty’s friends is my gym buddy. The other day we went to the gym. Now when Kitty goes to the gym I never worry about how I look. When Kitty is with my friend nobody and I mean NOBODY looks at Kitty because they are too busy looking at my friend who is a very slim blonde with implants. So Blondie and I were at the gym “working out”. She was lifting weights and Kitty was pretending to exercise. I was lying on the floor next to Blondie talking with her. I began doing pelvic thrusts not really paying attention. Blondie was talking to Muscle Man who seems to ADORE Blondie almost as much as he adores himself. Suddenly I realize that Muscle Man was glaring at me as I did my thrusts. This made Kitty a little uncomfortable. We had a quick exchange then Muscle Man left.

Today I was in class. Blondie was teaching the class. I was planking on my mat like a good Kitty. At 6:00 a.m. Kitty doesn’t talk to ANYBODY so I was minding my own business. Suddenly Muscle Man comes into class and sets his mat up right next to me. This is strange only because Kitty was in the front of the room and Muscle Man generally sets up in the back…with his WIFE.

Muscle Man got into his plank and began talking to me. Meanwhile I am thinking “Dude, get away from me. If your wife sees this she is going to gut me like one of the Seven freakin’ fishes on Christmas Eve!” Muscle Man would not quit. He was starting to draw attention to us which is not good. Keep in mind that both of us KNOW everybody in the class. We live in a teeny tiny community so this shit is not cool.

Once class ended Kitty gathered my things and began to walk out. Wouldn’t you know that Muscle Man followed close behind? Where the hell was this guy’s wife?!?!?! I glanced back to make sure that he wasn’t going to step on me from behind when he said “Hey, we should hook-up sometime.”

I had to stop. As soon as I did I knew it was wrong but I said “what?”

He looked at me again and smiled a crooked smile and repeated “We should hook-up…you know…”

Now here is the thing about Muscle Man that intrigues me. Muscle Man is a “hunter” and Kitty LOVES “hunters”. Now when I say “hunter” I mean there are certain men out there that are forceful and let it be known what they want in and out of bed. That is EXACTLY what Kitty needs. That is EXACTLY what Kitty craves.

Kitty loves a man who knows what he wants. I love a man who takes charge and stakes a claim on Kitty. I love a man who makes the plan and says “BE THERE”. Most importantly I love a man who takes charge in bed and tells Kitty what to do. I am in charge all day long everyday so there is nothing nicer than someone else taking the lead.

Sadly, even though Muscle Man is exactly what the doctor ordered he is obviously not what I would consider “discrete”. I am not kidding when I say that his wife would gut me like a fish. She is WAY scary to me.

Well in the meantime Kitty is just going to have to pass on Muscle Man’s very kind offer.

The Cure for an Overactive Sex Drive

One of the questions that the headshrinker asked me was how I pulled myself out of my depression the last time I went through it which was several years ago.

I couldn’t remember exactly so I asked my friend if she could remember. She reminded me that I joined the gym and actually signed up for a weight loss challenge. I remembered that. I was motivated then. I had found something to care about and without even realizing it not only had I pulled myself out of my funk but also ended the winter with my very best body.

Obviously I let my guard down since then because even though I still hit the gym I gained back a good bit of the weight and feel overall shitty about myself.

So, this friend of mine, the friend who reminded me about the gym…well she just got certified for being a personal trainer. So she asked me to attend this new class that she started at the gym called Tabata. She said it was hard. She said it was painful. She said if I could walk when I was done then I wasn’t doing it right.

I said “I’m in!”

Today is the day after. I can’t move. I can walk but it’s actually more of a hobble. As I hobbled into the gym this morning at 5:30 I realized that I couldn’t fuck anybody even if I tried. The thought of throwing my legs over anybody’s shoulders makes me want to cry. The idea of getting on all fours for doggie style and/or anal sex is out of the question.

So you see? Kitty is offering a helpful hint for those of you who like me just can’t seem to get your mind off of sex. It’s called Tabata.

Back in the Fold

This morning I woke up to a heart outlined in candy bars with a note from my son that said “I love you Mommy. I want you to feel better <3 [kid’s name]”

My kids are all well aware of my sadness. They also know that I have decided to go against everything I believe in by going to a headshrinker to heal myself. I talk to my kids about just about everything. I feel like it’s important to talk to them about this. They are scared. They are afraid that their mother has lost her mind. They are afraid that their parents will get divorced.

Angry guy and I talked about it last night and agreed that divorce is not the way to go. Angry guy by the way is not all that supportive of my going to the headshrinker but he was relieved when I told him that 1. He doesn’t have to go with me and 2. She asked if I wanted to end my marriage or save it and my answer without any hesitation is to save it.

So this morning just like every other Tuesday morning I woke up from an already restless night. Oh, did I mention that I have insomnia? I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in months. I was doing a little better when XXX and I were together but now I am back to waking up at 1 a.m. then every hour on the hour after that. My point is that it is no sweat for me to wake up at 5 for the gym. This morning I got to the gym and one of my new buddies walked in with me. He is older and retired and constantly complaining about waking up at that hour to exercise.

Now my gym is really difficult to describe. It is not one of those intimidating gyms that are like meat markets, especially at that time in the morning and in the town that I live in. Everybody for the most part knows everybody else. I am one of the few people who did not grow up here so I am recognized by site. In other words people don’t necessarily know my name but they see me every morning so they recognize that I belong and am not just a summer person.

I also get a certain amount of recognition and “gym respect” because the Tuesday/Thursday class used to be taught by that hot young trainer and it was freakin’ HARD! Being one of the regulars in that class scores me some gym points among the regulars.

There is this one couple that I generally can’t stand. They are loud and garish and for the most part act like I don’t exist. You just KNOW that Kitty loves that!

Well, I can’t explain when or why but things have started to change with them. The loud mouth couple is starting to warm up to Kitty. Kitty grew on them like a fungus I think.

When I walked in this morning there was some discussion as to what time class was actually starting. There is a super secret time that the hardcore classes start and Kitty is usually in on it because one of the trainers is my buddy.

So we are waiting and waiting and one by one people started leaving to go into the equipment room until class began. This particular group of people is motivated and they don’t like to waste valuable gym time standing around.

A few minutes later I headed toward the equipment room. This was the first time in a while that nearly all the treadmills were occupied. I spied a few open treadmills but the thing that really made my day was that nearly all the other occupants either smiled or said “hi” to me not to mention a few people on the Stairmaster. There is nothing that brightens Kitty’s morning more than a friendly group of people.

In addition to that the loudmouth woman from the couple said something to me about dropping a suggestion in the suggestion box about class times being earlier. I have to say that this was the first sign of recognition from her EVER. After just a few minutes on the treadmill we all filtered back into the class room for our class. I looked around at all the friendly faces. I looked around and realized I am back in the fold.