Back in the Fold

This morning I woke up to a heart outlined in candy bars with a note from my son that said “I love you Mommy. I want you to feel better <3 [kid’s name]”

My kids are all well aware of my sadness. They also know that I have decided to go against everything I believe in by going to a headshrinker to heal myself. I talk to my kids about just about everything. I feel like it’s important to talk to them about this. They are scared. They are afraid that their mother has lost her mind. They are afraid that their parents will get divorced.

Angry guy and I talked about it last night and agreed that divorce is not the way to go. Angry guy by the way is not all that supportive of my going to the headshrinker but he was relieved when I told him that 1. He doesn’t have to go with me and 2. She asked if I wanted to end my marriage or save it and my answer without any hesitation is to save it.

So this morning just like every other Tuesday morning I woke up from an already restless night. Oh, did I mention that I have insomnia? I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in months. I was doing a little better when XXX and I were together but now I am back to waking up at 1 a.m. then every hour on the hour after that. My point is that it is no sweat for me to wake up at 5 for the gym. This morning I got to the gym and one of my new buddies walked in with me. He is older and retired and constantly complaining about waking up at that hour to exercise.

Now my gym is really difficult to describe. It is not one of those intimidating gyms that are like meat markets, especially at that time in the morning and in the town that I live in. Everybody for the most part knows everybody else. I am one of the few people who did not grow up here so I am recognized by site. In other words people don’t necessarily know my name but they see me every morning so they recognize that I belong and am not just a summer person.

I also get a certain amount of recognition and “gym respect” because the Tuesday/Thursday class used to be taught by that hot young trainer and it was freakin’ HARD! Being one of the regulars in that class scores me some gym points among the regulars.

There is this one couple that I generally can’t stand. They are loud and garish and for the most part act like I don’t exist. You just KNOW that Kitty loves that!

Well, I can’t explain when or why but things have started to change with them. The loud mouth couple is starting to warm up to Kitty. Kitty grew on them like a fungus I think.

When I walked in this morning there was some discussion as to what time class was actually starting. There is a super secret time that the hardcore classes start and Kitty is usually in on it because one of the trainers is my buddy.

So we are waiting and waiting and one by one people started leaving to go into the equipment room until class began. This particular group of people is motivated and they don’t like to waste valuable gym time standing around.

A few minutes later I headed toward the equipment room. This was the first time in a while that nearly all the treadmills were occupied. I spied a few open treadmills but the thing that really made my day was that nearly all the other occupants either smiled or said “hi” to me not to mention a few people on the Stairmaster. There is nothing that brightens Kitty’s morning more than a friendly group of people.

In addition to that the loudmouth woman from the couple said something to me about dropping a suggestion in the suggestion box about class times being earlier. I have to say that this was the first sign of recognition from her EVER. After just a few minutes on the treadmill we all filtered back into the class room for our class. I looked around at all the friendly faces. I looked around and realized I am back in the fold.