Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Whole Enchilada

Have you ever been in bed with someone who asked you if that was the best sex you ever had? What do you say if it is? What do you say if it ISN’T?
To me the amount of orgasms is definitely an indication, yes but there is more to it…for me at least. Like for instance, how are you treated before the encounter, during the encounter and then AFTER the encounter? For me it’s the WHOLE ENCHILADA.
I am not sure about you but I run the encounter over in my head several times once it is over. I do this for several reasons. First, if it really WAS good I imagine it as a masturbation scenario. If it wasn’t so good or if I never hear from the other person again I replay it in my head to try to figure out what went wrong. If it wasn’t good at all I completely let it go although I always manage to find SOMETHING good from the experience.
I also like to think about the positive reactions that I received and the things that the other person did for me that I would ask for again. Do any of you do that?
Oh and lastly I replay the encounter to see if there is anything worth writing about.
So having recently been asked the question “is this the best sex you have ever had?”  I began to ponder. The men I am with who have read my blog tend to compare themselves to G. G is the standard. G was my first encounter through AM. When I look back and think about G and re-read the posts about him I realize that our encounter was in fact the ultimate encounter.
We met, the sex was wonderful and afterwards G treated me with just enough respect to make me feel like I wasn’t a worthless piece of shit for fucking him without ever having met him. He didn’t make me feel fat or undesirable. He was sincere; he was complimentary and most important he made me feel safe.
The entire encounter from beginning to end was organic. There was little or no planning involved other than the time and place to meet. Second the sex was absolutely AMAZING from the way he spoke to me while he fucked me to the way that our bodies responded to each other in the most perfect way I can think of. I have never been with a man who has been able perform oral so perfectly the first time using just the right pressure at just the right time. I don’t know how he did it but he is truly a gifted lover.
Another thing was that he was in charge but not degrading or demeaning in any way. This is something that I am just appreciating for the first time. I would feel safe submitting to him in any way. He had asked me if we met again if I would have anal sex with him. At the time I was a virgin to this but still said “yes”. There was something in the way G communicated that made me feel sexy, submissive and respected all at the same time.
Now the next thing I am going to say is very difficult for me to express in words but for me there is something completely humiliating, degrading about meeting a strange man in a hotel room for nothing other than sex. And while, yes, it is degrading there is something very sexy and sensuous about it for me which is ultimately why I do it. I also have some major body image issues so getting naked in front of a strange man after years of rejection by the person that I lay naked next to night after night and am legally and contractually obligated to in addition to the different positions and acts that I willingly submit myself to in order to please the other party make me feel extremely vulnerable. Now having said that I do enjoy being submissive and I do enjoy pleasing my partner and up until very recently I was turned on by this act.
I understand that men are ego driven. I am always complimentary of my lover especially at the time but don’t I deserve some sort of praise as well?
Now this is where the difference between a lover like G and a lover that takes what he wants, humiliates me in bed and expects me to tell him that is the best sex I have ever had lies. It is a matter of treating me with a certain amount of respect after the encounter.
Yes, I understand that this is ironic. After all, my actions are far from respectful. If nothing else can you have respect for the fact that I have done something for you that your wife will not? Can you respect the fact that you can at least feel comfortable asking me to let you fuck me in the ass or cum all over my face and although some women may consider these things completely humiliating I am open minded enough to not only consider but will follow through with the act if for no other reason but to please you?
Ladies I am not sure if you agree but please feel free to comment. First of all if we are in a situation where we have agreed that we are going to meet once, fuck and never contact one another again that is one thing. I have been there and that works just fine for me as long as I know what to expect.
If on the other hand a man feeds me a bunch of bullshit about maintaining a relationship over time before the encounter and then just disappears or dumps me like trash after I have completely let my guard down and given myself over to him then that my friends can eliminate every single one of those orgasms that he had given me.
If he has me say things that are ego driven but humiliating to me for the sake of getting off that is all well and good but if he does this and then acts like I don’t exist once he gets what he wants without so much as a “Thank you” well, again that just leaves a bad taste in Kitty’s mouth.
That’s high school shit and believe me, I didn’t even have to deal with that in HIGHSCHOOL.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know shit happens and I know it may not be as good for them as it was for me and I can appreciate that but one thing I tell each and every one of my potential lovers is that I need for them to be upfront with me without any exceptions.
If you feel guilty about cheating on your wife, hey, I completely understand. If you found me so grotesque that you can’t bare the idea of seeing me again…well…okay I can handle that but how about using those brass balls that you had when it was time to fuck me from behind and email me. “Hey Kitty, I had a great time but it’s just not going to happen again.”
I am beginning to wonder if maybe this is the power trip for the man. Does he jerk off knowing that he tore me down and didn’t build me back up again?
I try to take something positive from each of my encounters and yes, I am trying to learn how men think and how they feel and one thing I have learned is to treat each and every one of these encounters as though it is the last no matter what he promises in the dark.
 I think that is when the sex is the best it can be…when it is just sex and nothing more.
So if you are one of my lovers and you have asked me the question “Am I the best you have ever had?” Think about how you ended our relationship chances are even YOU will admit that if you have to ask, the answer is probably “no”.

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