One of my last AM encounters before I called it quits was with “Italian Stallion”. He asked me not to write about our encounter. I did write about it but out of respect for his wishes I never posted. One thing I have to say about him besides the fact that the sex was amazing is that he is truly genuine and maintains that he wants to carry on a long term affair. At the time this was something I was looking for. I just don’t think he is the right fit for me not to mention the fact that I am backing away from “The Life”. I hadn’t heard from him but saw him online and chose not to initiate a chat. Finally the other night he must have seen me online or just took a chance and tried to start a chat. I ignored it but then felt guilty. Isn’t that exactly what all the lovers I have had before him have done to me?
So I decided to email him just to let him know that I am not a complete bitch:
I am sorry for not keeping in touch. I am going through some tough times. Not keeping in touch with anybody. I don't want to hurt your feelings. You are a sweetheart.
Stallion: thanks for getting back to me. Please call me sometime Sunday. I'm working all day so I'll be able to talk. Look I'm your friend. Let me help you through these times. ok? [personal cell] just txt me first baby.
Kitty: It's not about that Stallion. It's about what's going on in my head and in my heart. I am not meeting anybody else. I have removed all my profiles permanently. I won't go back to that. You were great and I got lucky. My safety is always at risk with anybody I meet and I didn't feel unsafe with you. At any rate it doesn't matter because I need to give up all the rest of it now at least until I get my head straight.
Stallion: Well I am sorry about that. I just hope you trust me and would continue to be my secret lover. I do want to talk to you.
Kitty: I am out of town. I will text you when I get home if I can talk but there is really nothing you can do. This is my shit to deal with but I appreciate you trying to be a friend.
Stallion: Ok, let me ask you this, how about I try to take care of your sexual needs so you won't have to keep trolling on the net? Let's meet whenever we can. Ok kitty?
Kitty: I need some time Stallion. It is not your fault and I am sorry. I really am.
Stallion Ok baby. Whenever you get the chance to txt me please do. I want to talk to you real soon. I just want you to know that what we had was not a 1 time thing and that I care for you as a lover and friend. Anyway, you do suck great cock. Now cheer up.
There was a time when these emails would have been a real turn on to me…especially the “You do suck great cock” comment. I mean what girl doesn’t want to hear that?
Today I am choosing to walk away.
My headshrinker would be SO proud right now.