Friday, November 4, 2011
I have to say that in the past I have been adamant against counseling and even Angry Guy was suspicious today when I told him I was going. That’s his insecurity shining through by the way. The headshrinker warned me about this.
So the headshrinker told me some things about myself. Some of these things I knew already and some I just needed a little confirmation on but basically she is going to help me overcome the shit that has built up in my head over the years. Some of it is my responsibility and some of it can be attributed to the others around me but I feel better just knowing that I am not a completely horrible person or insane.
Are you wondering what kind of things she said? Well first of all she said that I get off on the adrenaline from these affairs that I am having but that each and every one of them ends in rejection which is not good for me. I completely agree with that. She did ask if I felt ready to give up my Ashley Madison profile and seemed pleasantly surprised when I told her that I already had. She was also pleased when I told her that I pretty much have been rejected by the last of my Ashley Madison men so I save myself the anguish of cutting off ties with anybody.
The thing about the headshrinker that really made me feel okay was that for one thing she didn’t push the issue of bringing the Angry Guy in for couple’s therapy. Second she didn’t say anything about me coming clean with him about my affairs or my blog or anything for that matter. And three she all but told me that his attitude toward me and toward sex is fucked up and NO WONDER I look for attention outside of our marriage.
Now don’t get me wrong. I understand that she was not condoning my bad behavior. She was merely acknowledging that certain things occurred in my life to explain why I would do these things and now Kitty has to get healthy again and stop. Yes, Kitty has to stop fucking other men specifically other women’s husbands.
Oh, that was another thing that the headshrinker confirmed that all these men, every last one of them lied to me in one way or another. She said none of them cared for me and none of them will ever care for me. Somehow that makes it a little easier for me to move on and realize that no matter what these men told me they are NEVER going to call, text or email ever again.
So now that the kitty is out of the bag so to speak I am looking forward to my next session. I promised the headshrinker that I would behave until then and I think I will. I WILL! I WILL! I KNOW I WILL!!!