Hellava Night Part 2

Kitty let the call go to voicemail then waited until I was in a private place to listen to the message. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe T-Bone when he said this might happen. It’s just that Kitty thinks his wife is bi-polar and will regret the call once she realizes shit’s getting real.

Once I got to my bedroom I listened to the message. Sure enough it was her voice. Much calmer than the first time she called me years ago and threatened to come after me if I ever went near her husband again.

This time her voice was steady and calm…almost human. She explained who she was and that I have her blessing to “text, call or even fuck” her husband.

Once I heard the message, I texted T-Bone “WTF?!” His reply was, “What? You told me to have her call you”.

He was right. He has been telling me for months that they agreed to open up their marriage and while Kitty believes him, I also know how fucking crazy his wife is. I truly believe that she agreed to it thinking that he would never find anybody…and yet he found Kitty three years ago to be exact.

Kitty can visualize the headlines when T-Bone’s bat shit crazy wife hunts me down with one of T-Bone’s weapons. As Kitty explained to T-Bone, I have fought too long and too hard for my freedom to be gunned down by his crazy ass wife.

And so we agreed that if she left a voice mail giving me her blessing, I would continue my relationship with T-Bone.

He and I had a brief conversation after that. We made a play date and he assured my safety once she goes off the deep end and so it begins…again…

Kitty’s blogging bestie is always telling Kitty, “They always come back.” Damn if he is not right!

New Rules:

As expected I have been catching a bunch of shit over the blog I wrote over the weekend about falling for XXX. What can I say? I fucked up and I know it.

Can I tell you though that odd as it may sound I have a little network of AM consultants that are guiding me through in my time of need.  This has been a curse and a blessing my entire life. I have always managed to make friends with men more easily that with women and so while several men have contacted me about hooking up I am still in contact with several men on a platonic basis.

So tonight when I got online I immediately caught shit from my buddy who we will call “Unsatisfied”. He is an army guy. Oh yeah I have this new thing for military/ex military guys. I’ll write about it in another blog but for now “Unsatisfied” was bustin’ on me about falling for XXX after he has been coaching me against such things.

So after a bit of a chat lashing, “Unsatisfied” gave me a new set of rules to go by from now on so LISTEN-UP!

1.      No hook-ups with anyone in any of your circles, work or personal.  This needs to be researched a little.  Same area you live or work. Be careful.  Same business as you, also be careful. This is where “Unsatisfied “and I agree that I fucked up with XXX. Even though XXX has mentioned several times that he is “shitting where he eats”, I have more to lose by far than he does and we both know it.

2.      Types of communication allowed.  With more communication comes more opportunity to know someone outside of the bedroom.  Keep it to emails or chats and avoid stuff not related to what the ultimate goal is, unless that info is being shared to avoid getting caught or avoid playing too close to one of your circles. Number 1. No one in any of your circles, work or personal. This needs to be researched a little. Same area you live or work, be careful. Same business as you, also be careful

Again, I trust “Unsatisfied” with this one. I fucked up with XXX on this one too. Our general rule is no texts, calls etc. I ALWAYS break it. The temptation is too great and I have to stop.

 G and I do not have a problem at all. We exchanged cell numbers for our meeting but deleted them once we parted. I couldn’t contact him if I tried. For whatever reason the temptation is not there for me when it comes to trying to contact G.

3.      Always have a dedicated email account to use for this game. This much I have done.

4.      If you feel yourself getting too close, walk away. Don't hang around to see if you can reverse the feelings, just walk away.  And tell them up front if things end abruptly that is why.

This is a hard one for me. “Unsatisfied” suggested a string of one night stands to get this nonsense out of my system but we both agree that I may not be cut out for this “world”. I can’t walk away from G or from XXX at this point.

5.      Condoms are NOT an option. They MUST be used. I asked “Unsatisfied”, “So I am with a guy who can't cum because he is wearing a condom and I walk away?”  That’s right, I’m a hard ass now!

So with my new set of rules I am going out into the harsh world and try to apply them. My buddy Top Gun has generously offered up his services to be my “tester” model.

Top Gun and I have been emailing back and forth. He is a planner just like me. Right now we are in heavy negotiations over the condom issue. In reality Top Gun is being a real sport about this whole thing and as much as I’d love to throw him a bone “Unsatisfied” has talked me up so now I am feeling like a real hard ass.

As we ended our chat, “Unsatisfied” added, “If we hadn't chatted so much to where I feel like we are trying to accomplish something (fixing you) I would have disappeared a long time ago.”

I am thinking more and more that there is NO fixing me.

Rules of Engagement

I always seem to get myself into the same situations with men. I am not sure exactly how and where I go wrong but it is always the same. I thought this AM thing would give me the opportunity to toughen up a little bit since I can be awfully sensitive.

The concept of AM is mind boggling to me. First of all I am a “rules” person. I need boundaries and AM is all about jumping over that line…the line of fidelity that is.

So as I fall deeper and deeper into the black hole I am realizing that there are in fact rules to this AM thing. Here is what I came up with so far.

1.       Husbands/wives and children come first. Pretty much everybody I have chatted with agrees that we are not going to interfere with each other’s families. I certainly am not looking for drama of any kind so this is one rule I can live by.

2.       You are not to fall in love! Now this is an interesting one for me. Love is one of my weaknesses. My instinct is to love and want to be loved back but let’s face it this is an impossibility which leads to rule #3.

3.       Don’t ask, don’t tell. Sure I am dying to know if these guys are chatting and/or fucking other women but what’s the point of asking. If they say “no” they are probably lying and if they say “yes” my feelings will be hurt. In the same vein, I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but don’t see the being exclusive thing working either because then the “love” issue occurs and I just do not want to fall in love with someone who will not love me.

It’s funny actually. I read a few chats that I got involved in. They all started out very friendly. I used expressions like “no strings” and “You owe me nothing” and I meant them. So why after a few chats or one afternoon of fucking does that change? It doesn’t and it can’t.

4.       Don’t expect anything from the guy/gal you fuck once it finally happens. You can’t expect gifts for sure! A few guys told me that women expect them to take them shopping. I know I might be missing something here but what the fuck?! I can BUY shit. It’s the weight of a man on top of me that I am looking for.

5.       Don’t go out of your way for the other person. If you do you will regret it. Believe me men are asking me to meet them in all sorts of different places and while I am tempted to make that trip an hour away in the end what’s the point. I was feeling guilty about having these guys come down here if they want to meet but ultimately if I am going to get dumped I will feel less humiliated if I get to choose the location and besides like Marcus said I make it worth their while.

6.       Don’t expect the guy/gal to contact you once you fuck. Kittycat learned that the hard way. It’s a good lesson to learn. It’s sort of like high school when your boyfriend pursues you and begs you to put out and then when you finally do he dumps you. The beauty of AM is that there’s always another loser there to break your heart if you let them.

So, ladies and gentlemen, it’s a tough world out there especially on Ashley Madison so please be safe.