As expected I have been catching a bunch of shit over the blog I wrote over the weekend about falling for XXX. What can I say? I fucked up and I know it.
Can I tell you though that odd as it may sound I have a little network of AM consultants that are guiding me through in my time of need. This has been a curse and a blessing my entire life. I have always managed to make friends with men more easily that with women and so while several men have contacted me about hooking up I am still in contact with several men on a platonic basis.
So tonight when I got online I immediately caught shit from my buddy who we will call “Unsatisfied”. He is an army guy. Oh yeah I have this new thing for military/ex military guys. I’ll write about it in another blog but for now “Unsatisfied” was bustin’ on me about falling for XXX after he has been coaching me against such things.
So after a bit of a chat lashing, “Unsatisfied” gave me a new set of rules to go by from now on so LISTEN-UP!
1. No hook-ups with anyone in any of your circles, work or personal. This needs to be researched a little. Same area you live or work. Be careful. Same business as you, also be careful. This is where “Unsatisfied “and I agree that I fucked up with XXX. Even though XXX has mentioned several times that he is “shitting where he eats”, I have more to lose by far than he does and we both know it.
2. Types of communication allowed. With more communication comes more opportunity to know someone outside of the bedroom. Keep it to emails or chats and avoid stuff not related to what the ultimate goal is, unless that info is being shared to avoid getting caught or avoid playing too close to one of your circles. Number 1. No one in any of your circles, work or personal. This needs to be researched a little. Same area you live or work, be careful. Same business as you, also be careful
Again, I trust “Unsatisfied” with this one. I fucked up with XXX on this one too. Our general rule is no texts, calls etc. I ALWAYS break it. The temptation is too great and I have to stop.
G and I do not have a problem at all. We exchanged cell numbers for our meeting but deleted them once we parted. I couldn’t contact him if I tried. For whatever reason the temptation is not there for me when it comes to trying to contact G.
3. Always have a dedicated email account to use for this game. This much I have done.
4. If you feel yourself getting too close, walk away. Don't hang around to see if you can reverse the feelings, just walk away. And tell them up front if things end abruptly that is why.
This is a hard one for me. “Unsatisfied” suggested a string of one night stands to get this nonsense out of my system but we both agree that I may not be cut out for this “world”. I can’t walk away from G or from XXX at this point.
5. Condoms are NOT an option. They MUST be used. I asked “Unsatisfied”, “So I am with a guy who can't cum because he is wearing a condom and I walk away?” That’s right, I’m a hard ass now!
So with my new set of rules I am going out into the harsh world and try to apply them. My buddy Top Gun has generously offered up his services to be my “tester” model.
Top Gun and I have been emailing back and forth. He is a planner just like me. Right now we are in heavy negotiations over the condom issue. In reality Top Gun is being a real sport about this whole thing and as much as I’d love to throw him a bone “Unsatisfied” has talked me up so now I am feeling like a real hard ass.
As we ended our chat, “Unsatisfied” added, “If we hadn't chatted so much to where I feel like we are trying to accomplish something (fixing you) I would have disappeared a long time ago.”
I am thinking more and more that there is NO fixing me.