Saturday, September 17, 2011

“It’s Not Time Yet”

I have to be honest when I tell you that I was more than excited when I received the text this morning from XXX. We have a strict “No texting, no calling, no emailing” policy which I break on a daily basis and he does not.

I was in a meeting and I just happened to check my texts on my way out to the ladies room. I was thrilled that the text basically recommended ditching work for the afternoon and meeting for sex instead. I’m all over that!

It’s times like this when fucking your boss sure comes in handy. Oh wait, I really need to re-phrase that. He doesn’t want me to think of him as my boss so let’s say that it’s times like this when fucking a guy that can dictate your schedule and has the power to fire you really comes in handy.

XXX’s texts seemed a little urgent. I loved it. I was hoping that something I had done in the morning had brought this on but sadly it was more of a tension reliever. No problem. I am always happy to help out a friend.

Now this next part is going to shock you I know but I am falling for XXX in a bad, bad way. I KNOW! I KNOW!!! You all warned me and I hate myself right now for breaking ALL the rules. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

Kat, if you are reading this, you don’t need to say “I told you so” because I knew from my first fantasy blog about XXX that this was going to mean heartbreak.

It has become our ritual to fuck now talk later. Basically I enter XXX’s place. He smiles at me and his gorgeous blue eyes sparkle and make my knees buckle. Then he kisses me which always makes me wet and makes my nipples tingle. Then he says something sweet and we go upstairs to his bedroom at which time we get undressed and begin our sexytime. The past few times we have fucked but for personal reasons today I wanted to make love to XXX. See, that’s when I knew I was in trouble. We chatted just a little bit about something in his personal life that was hurting him and even though he didn’t come right out and say it I knew that I was there more as a surrogate than as myself.

XXX and I discussed it and he thanked me for coming. I told him that I was happy to do it. “We’re friends, right?” I asked him. He looked me in the eyes and nodded.

“Well, I am here to comfort you as your friend. And happy to do it.” Boy was that an understatement. In all honesty I was dreading not having any contact at all until Monday which is just another indication that I have fallen way too deep for this guy.

I vowed to myself and to him that I would stop texting, calling etc and I promised myself in particular that I would play it cool from this point forward.

So after we made love fucked we lay in bed talking like we usually do. We agreed that our previous friendship added a strange dynamic to this affair and I stressed again that I want him to be completely honest with me. I told him that when it is over I want him to tell me that it is over and not to prolong it in order to spare my feelings. I know he would do that and he admits that he would.

 He talks about hurting my feelings a lot and I put on a brave face. He began to apologize and each time I told him to stop. I told him I know what I am involved in and I know the risks. I know that I can get hurt and I told him that I am prepared. He talked about “when it is time to end this”. We were spooning at that point and I was behind him. When he said those words I began to tear up. I said to him “Is it time?” I held my breath and waited for his answer. He said “No, not at all” in a completely sincere tone of voice. I shed a tear, and sighed a breath of relief.

“It’s not time yet” I told myself. It’s not time yet.


KittyCat said...

I feel partly responsible for where you are now.
I'm sorry I got us involved in AM.

I do know personally what your going thru.
it sucks.

My big question is where do you really hope
things go with XXX?

Do you want to leave your husband for him?
Please just think about what you really want
and need without emotions invovled .

Again I'm sorry your in this position.
I wish I lived closer so I could be there for you
instead know I am there for you
but a million miles away.
: )

JerZey Girl said...

No need to apologize KC. I am a big girl. No! Nobody is leaving ANYBODY here. That is the whole point isn't it? To get what we need while keeping our families in tact.

XXX and I were talking about you the other day. He is originally from your side of the world. Anyway I told him about your part in this and how we became friends.

Things work out KC. I am happy I promise. I am really really happy ;)