Friday, December 21, 2012

Transistor Radios, VHS Porn and Vibrators


So AG and I were talking yesterday. He was looking for a transistor radio. Kitty had to teach AG how to use Amazon. I know I know...should we start with AG being old enough to enjoy "transistor" radios? Or should we discuss the fact that he reads blogs and surfs porn on the web but has never dealt with Amazon? I'll tell you what...let's let both sleeping dogs lay for now because once I directed AG to Amazon he then said he was also looking for a VHS player!! This all led to a conversation about my father having a porn stash in VHS as well as super 8. We then discussed the fact that my mother wants me to get my father's porn stash out of her house so that nobody finds it once...well...you know. AG told me he has the same concerns about his porn stash. I told him I think it is more acceptable in the eyes of the public to find porn in the home of a single man as opposed to a single senior citizen female. This all led to my asking AG if he ever read this post that I had written about vibrators. And so, I am re-posting because I just can't expect my dear, sweet, AG to find his way to this post on his own when he can't even deal with Amazon...

Picture this…your mother passes away suddenly. You are in charge of sorting through her worldly possessions and in that drawer right next to her side of the bed…you find…her vibrator collection!!!!


Horrifying right?? Well I for one would be surprised but not horrified. I did actually bring the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence attachment potential up to my mom. See, my mom bought me the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence kit and there is a “massage” attachment which looks suspiciously like something that you should put up against your…um…your CLIT. She was suspiciously nonchalant about it so I have my guard up.
My own kids are a different story. If I were to get into a tragic accident in the now I would hope that Angry Guy has the sense to remove any and all toys which would potentially scar my young children. This is highly unlikely as he quite often used to leave my warming gel front and center on the nightstand after he used it.


Okay so what about when I am my mom’s age?

WTF?! Do I have to live everyday like it will be my last? Is that what that expression means?? CLEAR YOUR DRAWERS OF ALL YOUR SEX TOYS!!!


Well what the hell am I supposed to do? For now I am staying put and the toys stay where they are which is practically in plain sight. Maybe that is a good thing. If my kids get used to seeing them then when I die they won’t be scarred. They will just chuck my big green friend in the trash.

I hope they take the batteries out first so they can use them for something else. That would be a terrible waste of batteries. Don’t ‘cha think??

5 comments:

Red Shoes said...

An older colleague at work has taken a fancy to porn. He discovered that he couldn't order it and have it shipped to our zip code... evidently we are still prudes here.

So... what does one do when he orders porn and can't get it shipped to HIS address?? He has it drop shipped to his elderly Mom's house... HA!

What does elderly Mom do when this box arrives?? She opens it...

Poor Lars...

Merry Christmas!!

~shoes~

Naughty Kitty said...

Shoes that's funny. My dad was the keeper of the stag films for his friends. It was common knowledge. He didn't sit there and watch it out in front of us but we knew he had it so in my family it's not a big deal and my mother would not be shocked but I can imagine other mothers ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Red Shoes, Tell colleague to get a PO Box in the next town and have it all shiped there and also to have the credit card to that address too. Hope this was helpfull.
As for me my Brother passed away a few months ago and what a stash of porn he has. My sisters where like what are we gonna do with all this? I looked at them both and said, "Dahhhhh, it's mine" they both laughed and said take it but what about the wife? What see dont see wont hurt her....

Me

Lola said...

Oh dear, sex toys discovered!

SexyLittleIdeas said...

Ha, I would douse them with gasoline and burn them all!