Premature Ejaculation

 

You know…I wish we had blogging back when I was a kid. My kids have so much more knowledge available to them via the internet. I was terribly naive as a youth even to this day on some level.

Our sex ed class was limited and even though I attended public school the teachers preached abstinence as the best form of birth control.

Recently I recounted an incident from my youth that I never fully understood and then it hit me.

Back when I was a girl, in college actually, I dated this guy. He was a super religious catholic boy. He was super cute and super sexy to me but he was also super square. I still get wet when I look at his picture.

I would joke that he went to confession whenever we were together to confess our sins from the night before. We never actually had intercourse but damn I wanted to. I felt such a chemistry with him and wanted to feel him inside of me.

Since he lived a bit of distance from me, I’d stay at his place on occasion if we were out late the night before. We’d kiss and fool around but damn, I could never close the deal.

There was one occasion, I slept over and in the morning I reached for him. We began to kiss. I had my eyes closed. I reached for his cock and began to stoke him. As I remember he had a nice cock and as I said, I longed to feel it thrusting inside of me.

I admit that I barely knew what I was doing back then. I mostly followed my instincts. I enjoyed feeling his cock in my hand so I continued to rub him. It was only a few moments until I felt a wetness, he pulled away and apologized.

I thought to myself, “Oh my god! What happened? What did I do? Did I do something good or did I do something bad?”

It is only recently that I started thinking about him and realized that he was over excited and came too quickly or am I wrong?

It’s a shame that we did not have the internet back then. I could have asked you all. Boy did I have a lot to learn! It’s amazing that I have managed to get this far in life without someone to explain these little hiccups that life has presented.

The Hug

 

Today would have been our twenty fifth wedding anniversary…I mean with Angry Guy. In the past when he was alive, I’d post something snarky on Facebook about how “Today would have been our ___ anniversary. Today I am celebrating that it is NOT.” I don’t feel mean and angry like that anymore.

The other day a song came on Spotify that made me think of him. Well to be fair a lot of songs on Spotify remind me of him since I made up the playlist. The playlist is not exclusively songs that we shared or that remind me of him. It’s made up of hundreds of songs that I just happen to like but for some reason a handful continue to replay and they happen to either be from the time period when we were at our best…or worst or from a CD that he bought me for my birthday, valentines day…whatever.  He bought me “Abbey Road” partially because he knew I’d love it which I did but also because it was not as offensive to him as the other music, I enjoyed so to him it was a win win.

I do not even remember which song I heard the other day that reminded me of Angry Guy but I began to tear up. I started remembering.

Sometimes at the end of the day when I was at the kitchen sink, he’d come up behind me and jokingly rub up against me. I say jokingly because it never led to anything. I always wanted it to but he was just teasing. Those were the days that I craved his attention…the days when I started to seek out attention from other men.

In the car, I remembered those nights. I tried to remember how it felt for him to touch me. He was big and forceful but I cannot feel him anymore. Maybe that is what started me thinking. I thought to myself and tried to remember if when he was behind me at the kitchen sink if I ever turned around and just hugged him.

I remember at our wedding the justice of the peace told us to look into each other’s eyes and remember how we were feeling so that during the bad times we would remember and find each other again. And now I am thinking what would have happened if I had turned around at the kitchen sink and wrapped my arms around Angry Guy and just hugged him.

Back then I remember being angry. I remember being desperate for attention. I remember being desperate to feel a hard cock inside of me. I remember getting to a point where I didn’t care if it was his or someone else’s hard cock.

And now I wonder if I had just turned around one of those times at the kitchen sink, looked him in the eyes as we had done at our wedding, wrapped my arms around him and hugged him how things would be different today.

To be fair that simply is not realistic. We had so many other problems. Sex was simply a symptom. I do find in interesting however that as time marches on, the bad memories seem to fade and the good memories push forward in my mind. Am I insane?