I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ve
been online on Plenty of Fish, Ashley Madison…HELL…even Facebook. The world is
full of broken people…broken “toys”. I am one among them.
I talk to my male friends and I say “I don’t think I
will ever meet a man I can let my guard down with and who I can trust.” That
makes me sad because when I let my guard down and trust, I think I’m pretty
amazing. I must be right? I am not saying that because I am conceited…believe
me. I am saying that because when I let my guard down and am myself, I am
surrounded by a pretty amazing group of people and why would an amazing group
like that want to hang around with someone like me?
I also think there are degrees of “broken”. I’m
probably somewhere in the middle. I am coming across all sorts of interesting
broken toys on Plenty of Fish. Mostly down and out types. Several were
supposedly quite successful at one point and are now doing blue collar work.
Biker Dude II had some sort of hang up which I never
got the chance to combat. He dumped me for some unknown reason without any
notice whatsoever. I just saw a picture of him on some biker website with a
young, blonde painted girl. I don’t know if she was some chick from a biking
show or his new girlfriend but it made me sad and of course it made me jealous.
How could he be so cold? How did he move on SO fast? And why didn’t he fall
head over heels in love with me?
That’s where I am broken apparently. Biker Dude II and
I were nowhere near compatible and yet I craved his attention. My friends say I
deserve better. One of my male friends actually told me that I am too far over
BDII’s social level not to mention education. I try not to think that way but
still…
So I suppose we all have to decide what level of
broken is acceptable for us. My days of saving the down and out guy are past.
No, that doesn’t mean he has to be filthy rich…god forbid. It just means that I
am together on a professional level as well as a personal level and I am
financially responsible. I just want the same in my partner. Is that too much
to ask?
I often wonder if I will ever meet someone
special…someone I feel that connection with who can still maintain an erection.
I wonder if I will ever have sex again. The thought of never having sex again
is really upsetting to me. I’m not even 50 yet for God’s sake!
Time is slipping by and although on a day to day
basis I don’t NEED a man. I’m not looking for a husband or even a live in
boyfriend. I guess I’m just looking for someone whose not broken…just bent.
7 comments:
Hey you...
I'm guessing that neither of those, 'POF' or 'AM,' are sites where I would expect to find a long-term relationship.
But, what catches me the most about this, is that I so agree. Most of us are somewhat broken...
I have found that I am not willing to endure/tolerate the level of bullshit that comes with people today...
You mention that when you let your guard down, you seem to be surrounded by amazing people... maybe you are trying too hard.
I easily could have written this identical post.
~shoes~
I too could have written this post... you sum it up so well! Someday I will find a guy who is broken in one way and it will work to shore up how I am broken in a different way... like wacky puzzle pieces fitting together to make us both stronger and happier. I am still optimist but it is getting tougher to have new hope. I wish the "right for me" guy would hurry up and appear! Wishing the same for you!
Oh... and I thought this post was going to be about short-circuiting your vibrator or smashing your glass dildo... duh! Should've known you'd be deeper than that!
Thank you shoes and sassy. I appreciate that you both still support me even though I've been neglectful in my writing.
I too was stumped by the title!!! What a great analogy perspective here. I think you hit it right on the head Kitty. Keep up the good reading, I love the talent.
Me
You are trying to hard, there are lots of great guys but meeting them is the tough part. I do not t think that web sites are realistically the place to meet healthy together people. It never worked for me and I gave up after a few tries. Grocery stores, church groups, mass transit, classes, and cloths stores are good places. The concern with money seems shallow but I understand that no one wants a broke partner. Your bright and funny and have much to offer a good guy..... just meeting him and breaking the ice is the hardest part.
Thanks Chas, You are a good friend xoxoxo
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