Tube of Lube

I have to admit that I am a girl who loves toys. Yes, ALL SORTS of toys! Up until recently I never needed or used lube…you know LUBRICANT! I still don’t NEED it but received a tube of KY Warming jelly sort of as a joke gift for Valentine’s Day.

Guess what, this stuff is NO JOKE! I am totally addicted to it. I can’t even describe how good this stuff feels. All I can say is that I am absolutely lost in ecstasy when I use it. The thing is I don’t even want the toys anymore. All I need is the KY Warming jelly and a good set of hands preferably a man’s hands.

So if you are looking to spice things up in the bedroom, I highly recommend a dime size dollop of KY Warming Jelly. It will rock your world.

Contemplating

It’s actually pretty ironic that I have a sex blog. I don’t actually have much sex. I guess that’s my inspiration. I obsess over sex because I want what I don’t have. That is true. If I am having a conversation with a man, my boss, my neighbor, my kid’s friend’s father I try to picture how they would be in bed.

I think I could pretty much have good sex with anybody at this stage of the game. Today I was at work and a guy who works down the hall came in to chat. It’s Friday so everything is pretty casual as far as dress and attitude. So this guy was going on and on about his ex-wife and how he googles her but how he is not a stalker and all I can think about is how I would fuck this guy.

He’s pretty geeky so it would be especially fun for me I think. Something tells me nerdy guys are especially “giving” in bed. I’d LOVE to find out.

There is a part of me that loves to shock people. I love to make people laugh and I love to turn men on. It’s an ego thing with me, I think.

At any rate I wonder if I am the only person that does this. I wonder if men look at me and wonder how I am in bed. I think my appearance is deceiving. I think most men would write me off as a chick that does the missionary position and that’s it.

Well, we all know that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Fucking my Boss

I have been thinking about fucking my boss lately. Am I the only one who does this? Fantasize, I mean, not fucking my boss. It is purely fantasy not an actual possibility.

He has his own charm that not all women find attractive. He is somewhat pompous and I can see where he would be arrogant but with me he is pretty cool.

The funny thing is that he is not particularly hot or in great shape. He just does it for me I guess. I just have a tendency to look at him and think “I wonder how he would be in bed”.

I wonder if he would be aggressive and forceful like he is at work or would he be a big pussy? I am thinking forceful. I like that.

I wonder if he is wild and likes to try new things or if he is strictly “missionary”. I am thinking based on stories he tells me about his wife pushing him away and denying him sex that a woman like me would kill him.

I wonder if he is kind and romantic after sex or if he is the kick you out of bed type of guy. I am thinking romantic but I can’t get a read.

I wonder what else comes along with it like is he a gift giver or does he like to go to the beach. Not that I would fuck him for money but he’s got a lot and what the fuck?! It wouldn’t kill him to share a little with me!

Occasionally we discuss sex and lack thereof but since he is the boss he is painfully aware of his position and would never jeopardize our professional relationship.

So for now I go into work a few days a week and wait for him to close the door to his office. I wait for him to grab me and force himself on me for the sake of it.

I wait for him to tell me that he has found the love of his life or that he has gotten back together with his wife who he so lovingly refers to as “Cunt” so that my fantasy remains just that…a fantasy.

Thank You

Can I just take a moment to thank my friend for sending me some awesome dick pics the other day? Dude, you know who you are and let me say, I was NOT disappointed.

Now I am not sure if this was purely coincidental or if he read my “Dick Pic” blog but sure enough the next morning after posting that blog my email was full of some beautiful, yes…BEAUTIFUL dick shots.

If you are reading this and you give me the word I would be happy to post one or two without your head of course.

At any rate thanks so much. You DO make me smile.

Now for those of you who have not sent me your dick pics you can make it up to me by rating the posting that I made on Literotica. Thanks again. I really appreciate your support.

Is It Cheating to Fantasize?

Once upon a time there lived a much younger, thinner more beautiful version of me that did not enjoy…SEX!! I know…right?!?!?!

To be honest I am not sure if the problem was with me or with my Ex husband. It is really a shame actually because if memory serves, he was pretty well endowed just didn’t use the THING properly. Okay so for argument’s sake let’s assume that the problem was with HIM. I am smiling by the way as I type this.

When the Ex and I were separated I had a “life changing” experience. Basically I had a night of “passion” with a fellow classmate while attending school. This was a rebound thing. Bottom line is that I learned quite a bit about the act of sex and learned how to let my inhibitions go and most importantly learned how to relax.

This in my opinion is the key to a great sex life. From that point on each and every time I had sex was excellent to say the least. It is no secret that I enjoy my husband and will continue to enjoy him. My question is…if one is to fantasize about another partner while you are in the midst of the act is that considered cheating?

Now if “The Angry Guy” were to tell me that he was thinking about some hot piece of ass that he works with I am not sure that I would be insulted. It is easy for me to say however because I know that he doesn’t. I know that HE considers it cheating…okay I will ask him but I am 95% sure he will say that in his opinion it is cheating.

I would assume that quite a few men fantasize that they are with different women while with their significant other but I haven’t had the discussion with female friends.

Sometimes I like to imagine myself in a threesome. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Two men of course. HEY! It’s MY fantasy! If you want two women then read someone else’s blog.

I would love to have one guy behind me while I am top of another. Guy #2 underneath me is either sucking my nipples, kissing my lips or licking my…

Another idea would be Guy #1 behind me and I could be sucking on Guy #2. Am I the only lady out there who loves my mouth occupied while fucking? I mean I love receiving oral don’t get me wrong but I much prefer kissing or giving a blow job while having something else done to me.

Any thoughts on the subject?

The Dick Pic Game

I have a Facebook friend that refuses to believe that the men who comment on my Facebook page are not “into” me. He insists that these guys have “crushes” and that they think I am “hot” and “want” me. My Facebook friend is CLEARLY delusional and from another part of the country!!! LOL Sorry Dude, I love you but this could not be farther from the truth.

I will admit that I have quite a few male friends on Facebook but I also have quite a few female friends. One of my totally cool female friends turned me on to this blog that publishes HNT (Half Nekked Thursday) photos for those of us who do not feel comfortable posting on our own blogs.

For the record NOBODY wants to see any half naked photos of me…I assure you. “The Angry Guy” is legally obligated but even HE doesn’t want to see any shots of me half naked. Aside from this website it turns out that there are quite a few…um…DICK photos floating around. I always knew they were out and about on the general internet but my friends are receiving them via personal email. What the fuck?!?! Nobody is sending ME their DICK shots!!!!!

What the hell?!?! Am I not worthy??? And before you ask, YES I did just consume a strong cup of coffee as well as a chocolate glazed Dunkin’ Donut. The over use of exclamation marks, question marks and the cap lock are a great indicator.

So I wanna know if nobody is sending me dick shots because I am not hot enough? To me that would be a compliment of sorts. It is like a guy saying “Hey, how’s your day going? I am thinking about you and this is what I think.” Oh, yeah I am talking about and erect penis please. I would appreciate it if my male friends would refrain from sending their flaccid dick shots. That would just make me feel worse about myself.

Perhaps if I build a collection we can have a game. Like “Identify the Dick” game. Maybe I can get Babeland to donate a toy as a prize and whoever matches the dick with its owner will win a prize. Dudes don’t laugh too hard. This is how Mark Zuckerberger started out.

That Woman in the Porn is NOT Me! I SWEAR!

JEEZ-US! I was just about to sit down and write an innocent blog about the evils of sugar when I checked my facebook inbox and BAM! My silent sex blog consultant shot me a link to a particular porn clip. OMG! If that chick had curly hair she could have been me!!! She had the same damn nighty that I just bought with my Victoria’s Secret gift card.

I thought and thought about all the men I have been with and if any camera crews were in the room with me at any given time during any of my sexual encounters. I would remember that, right?

Okay so she was giving a guy a blow job and you all know I was studying her technique. I am always looking for new little tricks. My consultant obviously sent me the link because the woman in the porn used Altoids and I think my consultant was trying to bring back that horrible Altoid incident that I experienced...either that or he wanted me to see how I SHOULD have done it.

The problem I have with porn, specifically this clip was that there are a lot of distractions for me. First and foremost the fact that this chick was wearing my exact nighty. Second, who the hell was filming this?!!? Was the guy holding the camera with one hand and patting the woman’s head with his other? If he WAS holding the camera he did a damn good job of keeping it straight!

The music was also quite distracting. I suppose it is that way in most porn.

Initially it looked like the guy’s penis was black but the rest of him was white. I am not sure if this was my imagination or not. Maybe he didn’t clean properly. Maybe he had that illness that Michael Jackson claimed he had where he “turned” white. I wonder if Michael Jackson’s penis stayed black while the rest of him turned white.

The last thing that caught my attention was the way this guy patted the woman’s head at the end…sort of like she was a dog. Is that a common thing that guys do? “The Angry Guy” doesn’t pat my head…EVER! He knows better.

So you can all see that I have a little “Porn A.D.D.” But the bottom line is that even though that woman in the video resembles me… that woman in the porn is NOT me! I SWEAR!

See for yourself if you don’t believe me.

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