Kitty’s childhood growing up was like a fantasy. I had a mother and father and older sisters who fawned over me. We were close. We joked that we were like the family in “The Godfather”. Each of us had the character that we were associated with. I am Michael of course. If you were not born/raised on and did not BREATHE “The Godfather” then read no further. You have no business being on my blog. If nothing else my Ex husbands enjoyed the healthy addiction that I had with the first and second movies and we all agree that anybody who does not share that addiction has serious character issues. LOL
All joking aside, my family was extremely close. My father (Vito) instilled a sense of undying loyalty in each of us. At the same time he taught us but especially me about independence. He taught me never to depend on a man to support me financially. He made sure I was educated in a career that would enable me to support myself if “god forbid you don’t get married.” Yes, there were some mixed messages there but I understood what my father was trying to achieve. He also taught me that if I needed something done, I needed to be able to do it myself. He taught me that I can’t depend on others to lift me up even though he always seemed to lift me up.
After my father passed away and I was getting divorced for the SECOND time…yes…SECOND…my mother told me that my father raised me to be “TOO independent” and “Intolerant”. This may be true. She also said, “you are going to die alone.” To which my smart ass reply was, “So? We are ALL going to die alone! Look at you! You were married for 54 years and YOU are going to die alone!” Needless to say, I didn’t gain any brownie points for that remark.
Since my father passed away my family has literally fallen apart. It’s kind of like a computer virus that slowly but deliberately eats away at your computer system until there is nothing left. Is Kitty to blame for the fallout? I’m sure I have something to do with it but do I deserve to shoulder the entire blame? I don’t think so.
Recently I have made a few new fellow blogger friends. We communicate via email so they have a bit of an inside track on Kitty’s real life which ironically is my “Secret Life” as far as all of you all are concerned. Some of them know my name, exactly where I live, my profession and all about my kids. It’s the not so sexy side of Kitty. As I make more and more friends and meet more and more people who bring positive energy to my life, the negativity of my family and the negative people who I share blood with are drifting away. On one level this makes me sad. I have lost my mother…siblings…even one of my children.
This morning on my way to work I have to admit that I wondered if their world would be a better place without me. I wondered if I should get my affairs in order and maybe do the unthinkable. Will Kitty? Probably not. Kitty is not into all that drama. I’m not sure what would become of my younger kids and my poor pets would suffer most of all. Okay…yes, I worry more about the future of my pets than my own children. Maybe Ex #1 is right. Maybe Kitty is a complete failure as a mother, certainly as a wife. I have to say I’m pretty good at my job though.
I was telling one of my new blogger friends that I was thinking about Angry Guy this morning. Angry Guy insists he is on my side with this whole family rift yet he continues to communicate with my estranged child…his stepchild who is now about to sue me. Kitty feels that this shows lack of loyalty and basically is a divide and conquer situation for my estranged kid. I tried to explain it to Angry Guy but he is playing dumb. He considers himself the “peace maker”. Kitty considers him a pussy. When Kitty is on someone’s side I fight for that person and am not afraid to stand up for them. Kitty is surrounded by a bunch of people who say they are on my side but don’t have the balls to admit it to anybody else. That is SOOOOO FREDO (another “Godfather” reference).
So as Kitty thinks about Angry Guy and him telling me he is loyal and dedicated to me I laugh to myself at how DISLOYAL I find him. And it’s days like today when I think back at all the strange men I met in hotel rooms to fuck while I was married to Angry Guy and I think I don’t regret it for one second.