Kitty’s
childhood growing up was like a fantasy. I had a mother and father and older
sisters who fawned over me. We were close. We joked that we were like the
family in “The Godfather”. Each of us had the character that we were associated
with. I am Michael of course. If you were not born/raised on and did not
BREATHE “The Godfather” then read no further. You have no business being on my
blog. If nothing else my Ex husbands enjoyed the healthy addiction that I had
with the first and second movies and we all agree that anybody who does not
share that addiction has serious character issues. LOL
All joking
aside, my family was extremely close. My father (Vito) instilled a sense of
undying loyalty in each of us. At the same time he taught us but especially me
about independence. He taught me never to depend on a man to support me
financially. He made sure I was educated in a career that would enable me to
support myself if “god forbid you don’t get married.” Yes, there were some
mixed messages there but I understood what my father was trying to achieve. He
also taught me that if I needed something done, I needed to be able to do it
myself. He taught me that I can’t depend on others to lift me up even though he
always seemed to lift me up.
After my
father passed away and I was getting divorced for the SECOND time…yes…SECOND…my
mother told me that my father raised me to be “TOO independent” and “Intolerant”.
This may be true. She also said, “you
are going to die alone.” To which my smart ass reply was, “So? We are ALL going
to die alone! Look at you! You were married for 54 years and YOU are going to
die alone!” Needless to say, I didn’t gain any brownie points for that remark.
Since my
father passed away my family has literally fallen apart. It’s kind of like a
computer virus that slowly but deliberately eats away at your computer system
until there is nothing left. Is Kitty to blame for the fallout? I’m sure I have
something to do with it but do I deserve to shoulder the entire blame? I don’t
think so.
Recently I
have made a few new fellow blogger friends. We communicate via email so they
have a bit of an inside track on Kitty’s real life which ironically is my “Secret
Life” as far as all of you all are concerned. Some of them know my name, exactly
where I live, my profession and all about my kids. It’s the not so sexy side of
Kitty. As I make more and more friends and meet more and more people who bring
positive energy to my life, the negativity of my family and the negative people
who I share blood with are drifting away. On one level this makes me sad. I
have lost my mother…siblings…even one of my children.
This morning
on my way to work I have to admit that I wondered if their world would be a
better place without me. I wondered if I should get my affairs in order and
maybe do the unthinkable. Will Kitty? Probably not. Kitty is not into all that
drama. I’m not sure what would become of my younger kids and my poor pets would
suffer most of all. Okay…yes, I worry more about the future of my pets than my
own children. Maybe Ex #1 is right. Maybe Kitty is a complete failure as a
mother, certainly as a wife. I have to say I’m pretty good at my job though.
I was
telling one of my new blogger friends that I was thinking about Angry Guy this
morning. Angry Guy insists he is on my side with this whole family rift yet he
continues to communicate with my estranged child…his stepchild who is now about
to sue me. Kitty feels that this shows lack of loyalty and basically is a
divide and conquer situation for my estranged kid. I tried to explain it to
Angry Guy but he is playing dumb. He considers himself the “peace maker”. Kitty
considers him a pussy. When Kitty is on someone’s side I fight for that person
and am not afraid to stand up for them. Kitty is surrounded by a bunch of
people who say they are on my side but don’t have the balls to admit it to
anybody else. That is SOOOOO FREDO (another “Godfather” reference).
So as Kitty
thinks about Angry Guy and him telling me he is loyal and dedicated to me I
laugh to myself at how DISLOYAL I find him. And it’s days like today when I
think back at all the strange men I met in hotel rooms to fuck while I was
married to Angry Guy and I think I don’t regret it for one second.
4 comments:
You are absolutely right. People do suck.
Thanks for your support Bader <3
Yes they do. When my dad died our family fell apart somewhat also. Things have settled down for now. But when mom goes it will be bad. Me and mom were joking the other day about kids who change parents will to exclude the other kids. We both looked at each other and said that is something my older sister would do.
Hi Kitty it's Me, I can relate to this, all to well. I just choose not to play their game. My parents brought us all up independent and we are all on our own pages in life here. My kids too, at times, I think just hate me but I just keep going to make sure they are healthy and educated. I can only hope that one day they understand that the old man was right.
Don't give up, stand ur ground, they will be better persons for it. Ur dad knew what he was doing and you all liked him for it. He was the glue that kept it altogether and made it look simple but in reality he had the same worries and concerns that you are faced with too. Just try to improve on your family life like your father was doing with his family. Ask your kids how to have fun with their cousins and Grandma and put it back together. I love family parties, they bring out the best in meeeeee.
Me
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