Friday, June 22, 2012

Never Let Them Smell Fear

If I’ve said it once I have said it a million times…my parents raised me to be strong and independent. Okay so now you can add stubborn and perhaps pig-headed to the list. That is one of Angry Guy’s main complaints is that once I get an idea in my head there is no changing my mind about it. I’ll admit that these ideas don’t always work out for me.

I’ll admit that I am taking a huge risk by divorcing Angry Guy. I’ll admit that I am scared as hell. Angry Guy says I am cold and heartless. My friends say I am matter of fact and nonchalant. I say I am trying to remain calm and positive because deep down I am petrified. I don’t mind being alone. I don’t mind working to support a family but God forbid Big Cheese drops dead or Angry Guy. God forbid I am in an accident and can no longer work. God forbid. I think about these things constantly. If any of those things were to happen, this unilateral decision that I have made would literally destroy a family.

My family, friends and Angry Guy are hell bent on saying things like “you’ll never manage to do it alone. You can’t afford it. What about the kids?”

I can’t help but think to myself “WOW, I never thought about that.” WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

The difference between me and someone weaker like Angry Guy is that I can make a home anywhere. A house is just a house. A couch, a television…they can all be replaced over time. Angry Guy has chosen to think of his future as over. He has already given up. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get ME.


Anonymous said...

People adapt, financially and otherwise, including kids.

Same sassy girl said...

They don't know you have a HUGE group of wacky bloggers supporting you. :) We don't have the big bucks but we've got your back.

WestsideTori said...

Big Cheese or Angry Guy could drop dead and create a financial burden on you even if you stayed married. So it won't be easy, but it won't be impossible either.

I'm getting the sense that you are listening to your gut in this decision, and usually that provides the best guidance. Stay strong.

Naughty Kitty said...

@Ponyboy thanks. I sure hope you are right on this one.

@Sassy you just made me smile. Thanks so much :)

Naughty Kitty said...

@Tori I thought about that although if Angry Guy drops dead while we are married I have a big asa life insurance policy.
anyway you are right. I am going with my gut. Next decision...should I change my name?

the naked lady said...

I'm late to the party here, but good for you that you're not showing the fear! It's like people think if they can scare you, they can get you doing what they want or think is right.

Don't spend time thinking about what will go wrong, or you'll create a problem out of thin air. And if your kids see that you're scared, they will be too.

Kids do adapt, but try to keep things as normal as possible for them. The less you shake up their world, the less affected they'll be by this whole thing. They need comfort and same-ness as much as you can give it to them.