The past
couple of days have been filled with concerts, recitals and school plays. The
other night we were at my daughter’s recital. Angry Guy and I were sitting side
by side but texting each other about the various dancers. The recital was long and Angry Guy was
particularly angry so the texting was a welcome distraction.
Then XXX
sent me a text. It wasn’t particularly inappropriate. It turns out his wife
showed up at their son’s play with her first ex-husband. WHAT A CUNT!! Poor
XXX. I knew he was feeling bad and of course I couldn’t see him in person so I
was trying to make him laugh by texting him whatever I could think of. I told
him I would go beat the shit out of her if that would make him feel better. I invited
him and his son to join us for ice cream after our marathon recital. I couldn’t
help but feel like I had to turn his mood around or he would go on a drinking
binge. We really didn’t send that many texts back and forth and then I received
a text from Angry Guy that said
“Are you
texting XXX?” SHIT! Fucking Angry Guy needs reading glasses for just about
EVERYTHING and NOW all of a sudden he can see who I am texting?!??!?!?!?
At
intermission I tried to explain what was going on and of course Angry Guy
couldn’t have cared less. We didn’t talk about it and thankfully he cooled down
and I made a mental note to be even more careful.
I thought
about Hammer A LOT this weekend. I didn’t really expect to hear from him but he
did shoot me a quick email on Saturday which was nice. I began thinking that it’s
good that we only see each other every couple of weeks. Things with Angry Guy
should calm down by the next time I see Hammer.
Part of me
thought if Angry Guy said anything I would confess to him that I am really not
into this whole celibate, monogamous marriage thing. Oh I would never tell him
what I have been up to NEVER. But I thought if he asked me if I wanted to split
up I would possibly go for it. No such luck. And once he calmed down I thought
better of it.
On Sunday I
helped a friend of mine out at a recital that she produces. She told me about
another woman that I knew who committed suicide over the winter. The idea was devastating
to me. See, this is exactly why I don’t want to rock the boat with Angry Guy. I
would be afraid of what he might do. I fear less about him hurting me than
hurting himself. It’s just not worth it for me. I just want to make the best of
things here.
My friend…the
one at the recital…her husband is a jerk. She and I are in similar situations.
She separated from her husband but simply couldn’t afford it. They reconciled
and I know she is making the best of it for her children but like me she wishes
she didn’t have to.
Everybody is
different. We are just doing what we have to for our kids. I wonder if it is
more selfish for me to steal those precious hours with Hammer or to ask Angry
Guy for a divorce. I still don’t think divorce is the answer here. I still have
faith that things will work out for the best. So for the time being…
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