Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Perfect Divorce

I just received an email from Angry Guy. It was a nice email. The nicest email I think he has EVER sent me. He said he was having a rough time at work. His boss called him into the office and asked “WTF”. Angry Guy told him what has been going on and his boss happens to be going through something similar. Honestly it’s part of the industry they work in. It’s an awful industry to try and raise a traditional family in. Since both Angry Guy and I come from traditional families we have been managing to fit the square peg in the round hole…I have been managing.

Angry Guy finally gets it, I think. He said he forgot about me and my needs. He asked me to forgive him and to remain in his life. He said he will always love me and will miss me and that he holds no bitterness.  He said I am a great person and a great mother.

I cried as I read it not because I am sad but because I am happy. Is there a possibility that we can do this? Is there a possibility that Angry Guy and I can separate our belongings, our money and our homes and remain friends? Is it possible to spend holidays together with the kids and not have things be awkward or bitter?

Am I naive to want this? Am I crazy for thinking we just may be able to find it within ourselves to respect each other the way we did when we first got married? Am I ridiculous for wanting the perfect divorce?


JFBreak said...

I think when there are kids, you have to make every effort to have a perfect divorce. You are both co-managers of the business that is the kids your raise.

My wife and I were divorced for over a year and ended up getting back together, mostly for the kids, but it was only possible because we got busy getting over the BS that destroyed our marriage and focused on being partners to raise the kids.

I am a huge fan of divorce. I think kids who live in battlegrounds because the parents refuse to divorce are worse off than kids who can at least get some normalcy in a single parent household or splitting time between the parents.

Angry Guy sending you the note is a sign of hope that, even if the two of you can't work out married, you can still work out as parents.

My 2cents...

Max said...

I'll echo the above - when there are kids, you have to make every effort (and I know you already are.) It *is* possible - I wouldn't say mine was perfect, but it's been pretty good. Both partners have to stay committed to it.

Good luck!

Ben said...

Kitty -- Is this the dope slap he needs? Can he really look inside and turn himself around? Would you consider forgiving him? Nothing can happen rapidly. It is really up to him to look inside himself, look at whether he wants to give to you, to the marriage, and to the kids what it takes. These will be hard choices for you. Do not let him make superficial moves early on. From what you said, he needs to look at the causes of his anger. He needs to stop smoking and get his health in shape. He needs to listen to and respect you.

Courage and perseverence is key for you.