The other night I lay in bed and in the middle of the night Angry Guy began to rub my back. This is his way of signaling that he wants sex. I couldn’t believe it! What the fuck…NOW YOU WANT SEX?!?!?!
I pulled away. It was the first time in nearly 20 years that I refused him. I know you are saying “why the hell are you still sleeping in the same bed?” Well, besides the fact that we have a small house with no extra beds or bedrooms, I figured we’ve slept together in the same bed for YEARS managing to avoid the temptation so why should things be any different now?
Last night was a different story. Angry Guy was in a relatively good mood except for the fact that he had a shitty day at work. For whatever reason I couldn’t sleep. Hammer and I were texting back and forth which is a rarity at night for us. Hammer of course managed to text something which got my juices flowing. Angry Guy came up to bed, we turned off the lights and again he began to rub my back. We had the typical conversation where I said “what are you doing?”
Angry Guy said “does this feel good?” I let him continue to rub my back for a few moments adding in here and there “this is NOT going to happen.”
He moved his hands down to my legs. It didn’t really affect me. I had lost that spark, that feeling that I used to get when he touches me. Then he said “feel this”. I refused knowing that he had begun to get hard. Finally he said again with emotion “FEEL THIS”.
I whispered, “this isn’t going to change anything.”
He whispered back, “I know. I’ll still move out. Feel this.” I reached around and sure enough his cock was harder than I ever remember. I had to admit that I was impressed. “suck my cock,” he said. I just want you to suck my cock.
It was at that point when I thought to myself, “what the hell?”
I moved down and began to suck his small but erect cock. He began to moan immediately. This was as turned on as I ever remember him being. I was somewhat turned on as well. His hands were grasping for me and he wasn’t sure what to do exactly. I thought “God, we’ve been together for almost 20 years and you still don’t know what I like.” I thought how impatient I have become and how I no longer have the patience to direct him when I have been with men over the past few months, specifically Hammer who know EXACTLY how to touch me, how to lick me and how to fuck me.
Within a few minutes he rolled me off of him and onto my back. I threw my legs over his shoulders and he began pumping away. Yes, I’ll admit, it felt good but it was quick and it was mechanical. I wasn’t trying to be cold I just simply wasn’t engaged, for the first time that I can remember.
After he came he began to move down. “I want to lick your pussy,” he said. The moment his tongue touched my clit I knew that this wasn’t going to work and I was too impatient after so many years to begin to instruct him. A few seconds in I said, “it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t seem disappointed. As we lay there we joked a little bit about how on earth I will ever be able to afford to buy him out of the house and I jokingly asked if I could pay him off with an occasional blow job. He laughed and asked me if I would come visit him at his apartment when he moves out. I asked if the idea of having an affair was a turn on and he admitted that it was.
We talked a little bit about how he had a shitty day at work. He said his boss yelled at him then apologized later. Angry Guy told me it is a management technique that his boss uses. He breaks people down then rebuilds the relationship later. Angry Guy and I both had to laugh because Angry Guy has admittedly taken on this philosophy at home. I told Angry Guy to tell his boss that his “soon to be ex wife thinks his technique SUCKS.” Angry Guy laughed and agreed.
This morning we moved about the house just as we always do. Angry Guy has a few appointments with realtors and I am working on refinancing our home.
Even though the sex for me was not good, the idea that soon I will have the freedom to be with whomever I want empowered me. If maintaining a sexual relationship will make Angry Guy feel better about our situation then I am fine with that. We both realize that even if we were to continue to have sex with one another it would be on occasion. No, we will not be one of those couples that gets divorced then realize what we are missing and re marry but I see nothing wrong with comforting a special friend on occasion and for now that’s what I intend to do.
Today Kitty is hoping I can have my cake and eat it too.