Friday, January 6, 2012

Inappropriate Kitty

When is Kitty ever going to learn my lesson? Well, hopefully today but one can never know for sure. It’s the Monday after New Years. I had to be in the office all alone but boy was I bitter. Who could blame me? I didn’t sleep well and Big Cheese was out of town. I wasn’t sure if XXX would be in but I knew his assistants were out so I figured I’d email him. This is how it went:

Kitty:  Are you in the office today?

XXX: My son and I are in.

You are holding down the fort without Big Cheese?

Kitty: UGH! Yes! I am SO BORED and have to bill a client for this!

How was New Year's? I didn't understand what you meant by "retarded funny".

XXX: I am retarded for continuing my marriage. It is now surreal.

How was your New Years?

Did you run the 40 yard dash?

Kitty: We had a nice time. We went out for dinner. You know it makes me cringe when you use the expression "40 yard dash" and the answer is "NO".

So did you go out with your friends on New Year's Eve or just stay home?

XXX: [My son] is part of a group of boys and the parents are friendly. So we went over there. Had a beer, smoked a cigar with the men around a fire pit. I felt very manly. It was good.

[Wife] hurt her back pretty bad in her workout class, she is super stressed around the holidays and so I am letting her have her space. I haven't seen her in days and [My son] has just been with me. She texted me an "I love you" so, who knows. The only time I get any response, is when I leave her alone. But this fucking separation is costing a fortune. I'm gonna move back into the shed in the back yard. I did live in the office for a few nights…

Kitty: UGH! Yes, that IS fucking retarded!!!

LOL well [Your wife] sounds like quite a handful.

That just sucks [XXX]! Can you negotiate the lease or find a cheaper place or tell [Your wife] to pay her own FUCKING way??? Just a suggestion.

I was going to ask if you considered maybe picking up where "we" left off but your shed will just not do.

XXX: The shed had its charms. You might like it. We could play "Grizzly Adams and the Indian Maiden".

Kitty: Would I get to be Grizzly Adams??? Does he wear a fur coat?? January is not the greatest time to "RUN THE 40 YARD DASH" in your shed...just sayin'. I'm not a snob I would just have a lot to explain if I got hypothermia around my private area ;)

XXX: Alright, enough. [My assistant] is going to draw the wrong conclusions from this exchange.

Kitty: JEEZ-US! Can't you delete them or something?!?!?!
P.S. Why can't we just be like normal people and have sex in the office?

XXX: lol

Okay. The floor is now open for your comments. Yes, Kitty is many things in this exchange. I am naughty, I am inappropriate and I am not sure if you can tell or not but Kitty was completely turned on by the Grizzly Adams comment! Can I just point out that one of the reasons I am including this email exchange verbatim is for you all to get a feel for how easy it is for me to say something like “Hey, let’s start our affair again?” When it comes to XXX and me we don’t mince words. We don’t have to. No games. That part I love. At any time either one of us can email the other "Let's go fuck". Okay, XXX is more discrete and would email,"Alternative plan." WHATEVER!

After I was done at work I stopped by his office. We talked quietly as his son sat in the next room. XXX explained to me that he is unable to delete that email conversation that we had and that it WOULD be monitored but he didn’t care anymore. LOVELY!! So now Kitty knows for sure not to engage via email. I just figured since he was so damn careful our first time around that he knew of a way to get rid of the evidence. Apparently not. I am sure I’ll get some looks tomorrow from XXX’s assistant.

In the meantime XXX said over and over, “I am beginning to come around to your way of thinking, Kitty. I am beginning to believe that the way to go is to stay married let her live her life and have a mistress. We looked each other in the eyes and it was understood that when and if the time came…

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