Thursday, February 9, 2012

“Going Where Life Takes Me”

Kitty is trying to get used to this new life of mine. A life if fidelity. Some days I think so clearly and I am happy. Other days I miss the thrill. The other day it was raining in the morning. As I drove to work I couldn’t help but think that it would be a perfect day to meet a lover. It would be the perfect day to sneak away to a cozy hotel room and feel the touch of a man after months of not.
I considered contacting someone. I decided against it. I do NOT miss the feeling of rejection from this whole life of a prowler. THAT I don’t miss. I thought to myself “If he contacts me I will switch some things in my schedule and meet him.”

The possibility of getting the text from XXX was also a possibility. He and I discussed it briefly and I was due to work with him in the afternoon. We ended up working. At the end of the day, it was fine to just let the chips fall where they may.

I lay awake at night and try to remember some of the good times. I try to remember some of my better lovers and the fun circumstances around meeting them. I think about G often and XXX of course but night after night the memory of my lovers and the feel of their touch fades just a little more.

Dodger has mysteriously re-appeared and has wanted to meet. The time has passed and to be quite honest I have met some wonderful men and wonderful lovers. He simply does not compare. The time has passed where I want to be treated as disposable.

For now this feels right. I am taking all of that time that I used to spend on thinking about them, wondering about them and I spend it on myself. I am finally getting on track with my eating and of course the gym. I am losing weight and feeling great.
XXX and I are better than ever with each other.

The other day I playfully texted him and said “Miss me?”

XXX’s response was “Of course! How is your day going?”

I told XXX that Big Cheese has a female friend that he wants to fix up with XXX. XXX gracefully declined as I knew he would saying, “I am going to be alone for a while and just go where life takes me.”

I jokingly told him that was the wrong answer. He was supposed to say “Kitty, you are the only woman for me.” He was flattered apparently and said “Bless you Kitty.”

For once in my life I am not going to go after what I want and just take it. I am going to follow XXX’s lead and “go where life takes me”. So far it feels pretty good.

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