Friday, February 3, 2012

What I Signed Up For

The other night I had a quick online chat with Dodger. He’s the same but I think I have changed. He invited me to join him with this other couple who was coming in from out of town. The husband wanted to watch while Dodger fucked his wife. I told Dodger that it sounded fun but in reality the idea did not appeal to me at all. Granted, Dodger is not what I would consider particularly charming. His rationale behind me joining him was “it would made good blog material.” And while I am sure most if not all of you are tired of reading the same old “XXX and Me” stories, I chose to pass on Dodger’s very "thoughtful" offer.

I am not sure what his story is or why he asks but he always asks who I am fucking. He always makes comments like he wants to have a long term thing with me but he never follows through which of course is how he got his name “Dodger”. At this point whether he realizes it or not we have entered the FRIEND ZONE and his chances of fucking Kitty believe it or not are zero to none.

He did make an interesting comment though. He said “you should leave your husband so we can spend more time together.” He is not the first man to say this to me recently but that is just not going to happen and I told both men that flat out. I have never even considered leaving Angry Guy over this Ashley Madison business.

I read a lot of other blogs. I read about men and women who want to leave. Some of them leave and some of them stay. I am not in a particularly bad situation here. I do not DREAD coming home. At times I do dread when the Angry Guy is due home but once he is home and settled things here are fine. It’s the sex that is the issue with us…just the sex.

There is a part of me that thinks Angry Guy knows. I am sure he knows that I am not always pleased with him and that maybe I could do better because he bends over backwards to please me in other aspects of our marriage.

The real reason that I would not leave Angry Guy in all honesty is that I could never hurt him. This thing that I am going through is not his fault. He has not changed a bit. When I look back I realize he was never as sexual as I am…NEVER. So I am going to destroy this man’s life because I want to get laid? NO! That is not going to happen.

I’ve been there. Believe me. I have been in a bad marriage where I couldn’t take it and had to leave. This is not that marriage and I wouldn’t put my kids and my husband through the pain and heartache for my selfish pleasures.

Dodger said I am hurting Angry Guy by cheating. He is right. I know. But things would be so much worse if I came clean and left. This is what I signed up for. And really as I spend the day cleaning the house, making chicken soup, writing and reading I have to say this life of mine does not suck. Today Kitty is content. This is what I have signed up for…for now.


Anonymous said...

Seems like the fair thing to do is to level with AG...tell him the sex thing ain't working and that he needs to either (1) step up (I assume this would be your preference...), or (2) renegotiate the terms of your "monogamy". Maybe he would be cool with DADT (don't ask, don't tell)? This wouldn't be a radical change from your current behavior, but it would relieve the mental/emotional burden that infidelity exacts.

Anyway, that's what Dan Savage would say.

Naughty Kitty said...

Ah yes, we've had that talk...several times. No, AG is not down with an open marriage.

Anonymous said...

Did you give him the 'my needs need to be met....or else...' ultimatum?

Naughty Kitty said...

Yes.I assure you that over the years that we have been together Kitty has verbally expressed my needs and my desires quite clearly. There comes a point where if he has to work so hard to fuck me it just isn't fun anymore. Its like getting head from a woman who gags. Takes the fun out of it. I have written about this several times. Ashley Madison was an extreme measure after exhausting every other option other than divorce.