Thursday, December 15, 2011

19 Children? Really? Condom Time!

The other day I came across People Magazine. Generally I just flip through that magazine in a doctor’s office or something. I just happened to notice the cover with the Duggars and their 19th kid front and center.

For the most part my philosophy is “live and let live”. These people seem like decent people. They don’t collect welfare and although I do not see myself with any more then my daily recommended allowance of 3 children I do not harbor any ill will toward these people.

I do have a few observations and/or questions however. First of all, do they have to act so damned stereotypical of the “country bumpkin” image that us Northerners immediately assume when we hear that there is a family with 19 birth children?? I mean really? What is up with that??

To me the whole concept of homeschooling is just insane. That is for me. I admire people who have that patience and can manage it but my 9 and 10 year old are already smarter than me and know it so the home schooling thing that Michelle D. does would be out of the question for me.

What’s with the kids all dressing alike? WTF is that about? The kids are dressed for church ALL THE TIME! They play sports all dressed up like that. They even had a television show about how they all built their house and they were building the damn house all dressed in polo shirts and khaki pants. They look clean cut and good for them but what if it is the day they are all supposed to wear red and one of the boys wants to wear his blue polo. I would like to know what happens behind the scenes with that. Do they get beaten with a “switch”?

Since I am all about time and saving time I don’t see where the hell that mother gets the time to tend to her bad 1980’s hair-do. They live in freakin’ Arkansas. Wouldn’t it be easier and breezier to get a cute little “Bob” haircut? Just sayin’.

They are not fooling me when it comes to taking care of those kids. I know damn well the older kids are raising the younger kids while the mother and father are off having afternoon sex or something. Come on…when the hell do they have time to have sex otherwise with 19 damn kids?!?!?!

In all honesty I want to know how they do it?? Yes! I want to know when and how they manage to find the time and the space to have sex. Also do they still enjoy it? Do they do it in different positions? Do they use the Altoid trick…DAMN! I want to know!!

As a mother,  I can tell you that there are several unpleasant side effects of having a few kids much less 19. Where the hell is that woman’s bladder?? Maybe she just had the entire thing removed. She never has to take bathroom breaks not that she would have the time even if she wanted to. JEEZ-US! I have to tinkle just writing this. WTF!

Lastly, all their kids’ names begin with the letter “J” good for them. I know people who do this but the Duggars have officially run out of “J” names. To me that means it is time to slip on the old raincoat Jim-Bob. If I were Michelle D. I would have to say, “Honey, time for the condom or keep the torpedo in the canon”.


Ryan Beaumont said...

Where have you been, don't you get the important news where you live. You know she recently got pregnant again but unfortunately had a miscarriage.

I've been to Arkansas btw, ain't much to do there but tip cows and screw! :)

Naughty Kitty said...

Damn you for always being right ontop of the news! I did know about the 20th kid. I had this post all scheduled when she had the miscarriage and went back to change the number from 20 back to 19 out of respect. Bad timing on my part.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with screwing. I am all for it but JEEZ-US! You don't have to make a baby EVERY single time do ya?!?!?!