I just had the SCARE of my life! See, Kitty keeps all my blogs on a little flash drive. I keep the flash drive in a secret place. Today I went looking for the flash drive so I could write something and it was missing. Kitty searched and searched…then…Kitty PANACKED!!! Was this it?!?!? Did someone find my blog? Did they find the key to my secret life?!?!?!
I tried to remain calm as I asked each of my children, “did you see Mommy’s flash drive?” I asked in the sweetest, calmest possible voice I could muster. My kids each denied, denied,denied. DAMN!
I got so desperate that I called Big Cheese to see if I left it in my office. I wasn’t sure what would have been worse, Big Cheese finding the flash drive or Angry Guy. I knew if Big Cheese found it he would open the files and that would be devastating.
I pictured each scenario in my mind. I pictured the grin on Big Cheese’s face in the morning after opening document after document and reading each and every one as he put the real characters into place with the character names that I made up for the men that I work with.
Then Kitty became paranoid and thought Angry Guy finally figured me out. He brought that drive into work where someone who is actually computer literate would open it up. DAMN!
I pictured Angry Guy walking in the door holding print outs of the worst posts…the most incriminating posts that I wrote. I pictured him as angry as I have ever seen him.
I checked my coat pockets, under my computer, AROUND my computer then I prayed. I prayed to St. Anthony. Pretty ironic isn’t it?
I said the little prayer that my super religious girlfriend taught me. I said,”St. Anthony, St. Anthony please come around. Something is lost and cannot be found.” I repeated it a few times then held my breath and slowly removed the contents of the bag where I generally hide it. I had checked this bag and emptied the bag several times already. This time I opened the front pocket, peeked inside and saw a little glimmer of silver from the drive. I closed my eyes and said thank you to St. Anthony.