Risk Taking

It’s raining like hell out there this morning. He wants to meet…you know…Biker Dude. And I really want to meet him but I can’t. It’s too risky. Angry Guy is off from work today. That means he can check up on me at any time.

I ask myself if it’s worth the risk. I want to see him. I want to feel him inside of me this week. I crave his touch. I want to hear his voice. I want to feel his kiss. And yet the risk is too great.

Why couldn’t the rain hold off until tomorrow? I can meet him tomorrow. Oh, it’s still risky. It’s just not downright stupid.

What would my Voice of Reason say if he were here? Would he say “We’ll work something out. Don’t stress”?

And yet I do stress over it. I stress over missing that opportunity. I stress over meeting for what could be the last time for weeks. The holidays are here. It’s family time for all of us. No time to meet in hotel rooms for passionate sex. This is the time of year where we lay next to our life partners night after night wondering. This is the time of year that I lay in bed next to my life partner wondering why he does not reach for me. Why doesn’t he want me? How am I ever going to pay the bills from the holiday? Then my mind drifts to HIM.

Is he making love to his wife tonight? Is he touching her the way I want him to touch me? Is he saying those words to her that make me cum? When he and I are together I don’t worry about paying bills. I don’t think about why my life partner does not reach for me. I don’t think about why he doesn’t want me.

I give myself over to HIM. I enjoy our stolen hours together. I am willing to take the risk. I have decided. Then I drift off to sleep only to be awakened by the alarm. It’s time to go to the gym.