Monday, December 19, 2011

Bad Sex Karma

I am a big believer in karma. You wouldn’t think so but I am. So “Angry Guy” and I have this constant struggle. See, I have a much stronger sex drive then he does. I could have sex nearly every night. “Angry Guy”…not so much.

We have gone around and around about this. I feel as though he is not attracted to me which of course makes me eat which of course makes me even less attractive. I have tried to lose weight out of anger for him. Like “fuck you Angry Guy! If you don’t want me I will be so hot that everybody else does!”

The funny thing is that Angry Guy is a pretty jealous guy. He doesn’t trust me around any man except maybe Big Cheese and maybe XXX which is pretty ironic but I gotta tell you they are looking pretty hot to me now.

The idea of him being jealous is hysterical to me because there is not exactly a line out the door waiting for this little lady to become single. In fact if I ever WERE single again, I doubt there would be any takers.

I will admit that I am pre-occupied if not obsessed with sex. This is possibly because I rarely get it anymore which makes me sad because I do enjoy it.

Believe me I have thought about this situation thousands of times over the years that Angry Guy and I have been together. Apparently I have always wanted sex more than him. I was always up for the quickie before work and then the longer session after work. He was always the one that said he couldn’t function at work after that. I used to think of it as a compliment. Now I am looking back just thinking that he didn’t have as much of a drive as I do. I look back at all the times we slept together before we were married and think that he was able to do it every night when we were together because we weren’t together every single night like we are now.

I have asked friends both male and female “What the fuck?” Am I the only woman out there who wants sex more than my husband?? Well, my friends have come up with the following explanations as to why my husband seems to be the only living man out there who refuses sex with his wife…me.

Generally my male friends say he is gay. Okay, I ASSURE you that is not it although I have on occasion joked about my Ex possibly swinging in that direction. I have wondered if maybe Angry Guy's nationality is just not as sexual. Angry Guy is English. Maybe the English aren’t as horny?  I know Italian men have quite the libido though so his nationality is an option.

 My other friends say maybe his health is a factor. That seems like the most likely idea to me. Here’s the thing though. Angry Guy NEVER goes to the doctor and I am not about to start nagging him about going now. He is a chain smoker and at least 50 pounds overweight. I am sure this has SOMETHING to do with it but I am not his mother and feel strongly that if it is not important to him to be healthy for his wife and children then all I can do is stay healthy for our children.

The last and unfortunately the thing I tend to lean toward the most is that Angry Guy is simply not attracted to me anymore. He loves me…I mean WHO WOULDN’T?!?!? I suppose the physical attraction is just not there for him. This hit home for me several times but I revisited it last night. I was reading a new book and one of the characters is in a similar situation where the husband was simply not attracted to her…just like that. This is obviously where my feeling of “I am going to get so hot that other guys notice me” attitude is coming from. I know this is juvenile but I am over it already.

Angry Guy has a whole repertoire of tricks and excuses to avoid having sex with me. He uses work as an excuse when he is working. On his days off he uses being stressed about upcoming work as an excuse.

The thing that really gets me is that he will flirt with me all day long. He will grab me and kiss me and make remarks about wanting more. This gets me crazy. This is foreplay right?? I heard Sting does that shit for days with his wife. Maybe Angry Guy is training me for a life of tantric sex with Sting. No thank you!

Anyway, I have made sure to communicate with Angry Guy on several occasions that whenever he wants sex from me he will get it so when he does the flirting thing it is really disappointing to me when I go upstairs to read and I know he is downstairs waiting for me to fall asleep.

I have tried everything to deal with the issue. I have made threats which of course backfired. I have pleaded…no good. And I have acted indifferent. Basically indifferent is where I am now it used to tear me up inside. Thank God for Ashley Madison!

Whenever I make a comment about sex with other men around I generally hear things like “Angry Guy is a lucky man.” XXX used to make the comment whenever we were in bed.

I hate to tell XXX that even if his wife lets him back into the house their sex life will not improve. Yes, I am bitter but I am also a realist.

More and more I have decided that this is bad sex karma for me. When I was married to the Ex he wanted sex all the time. He sort of repulsed me at the time so I acted pretty much the way Angry Guy acts with me…without the flirting part.

I know you are asking why I ever married the Ex in the first place. Hey, we looked good on paper. At the time I was not enlightened about sex so I figured I could deal for 50-60 years. It turns out I was wrong. The Ex used to climb on top of me which was a total turn off. Anyway I am trying to block it out so I don’t want to go into detail. Bottom line is that I know how Angry Guy feels and I don’t want him to feel worse but why should I have to repress all this great sexual energy?

The ironic part of this whole thing is that the Ex is now taking blood pressure medication which I understand fucks with a man’s ability to have an erection. So it turns out the Ex has a little bad sex karma himself.


Anonymous said...


I'm in the same boat although I'm the male and wife isn't interested in sex...much anyway. Thought I had all the "bases" covered...bring home a salary over six figures, have an advanced degree, help out around the house (I shop for groceries, cook, wash clothes, etc...and if I don't do it, I pay for someone else to in order to make it easier on her). What else...exotic vacations to all sorts of foreign lands, the vehicles she's always wanted, high end designer handbags and clothes...oh, and I'm actually a nice guy in general. I know it isn't my looks because I'm a former male model and I still "have it" even though that was quite some time ago. Suffice to say that I get a fair amount of attention from women...if she only knew!

You're right...thank goodness for AM.


Anonymous said...

Dan Savage would recommend you address thee issue by bringing up the miss-matched sex drives, assure him of your love (?) for him, ask him about opening up your marriage. Wroth a least then he KNOWS you're not satisfied.

Ryan Beaumont said...

I would say health could be an issue. Can you do some things together like work-out or play tennis where he would get in better shape and perhaps see you in an environment where your hottness will drive him crazy?

Naughty Kitty said...

Now boys...does Kitty seem like the kind of woman who is too shy to address the problem? I assure you we have exhausted these avenues. He knows what's what. He is a big boy and I am not his mother. If he chooses to bury his head in the sand well then so be it but Kitty has been chrystal clear as to my wants, my needs and my desires with Angry Guy and I am simply tired of begging for something that should not be an issue between a man and a wife.

P.S. Aramada I will be happy to accept your vacations, cars and what not in exchange for an easier life filled with sex...LOL Oh, wait...was that an offer???