Saturday, May 26, 2012

Looking for Something Better

It’s been crazy lately and I haven’t been as attentive to my blog as I should be. I apologize for that. I am not sure what to write about first so I think I will start with a quick conversation that XXX and I had the other day.

I was telling him about my friend whose husband is a doctor and who was complaining about having to go to an exclusive party. I told XXX if that were me I would pull myself together, go to the party then fuck my husband hard when we got home or better yet get a room at the hotel and fuck him hard there. XXX’s looked at me and smiled. He had sort of a sad look on his face then said “You are the perfect woman.”

Now, I know that isn’t true. Kitty knows I am difficult. Kitty knows I am demanding. Kitty knows I am not enough. One reason I know is because last night just because I was a little bored I hopped on AM just to check out my “Favorites List”. Every now and then I like to take a peek. Several of them hadn’t been on for weeks. T-Bone was logged on at the same time as me for example. What was he looking for? Does he think he will find someone better than Kitty? Does he think he will find someone younger? More beautiful? Does he think he will find someone thinner? Better in bed?

It’s interesting actually. I have been emailing back and forth with a relatively new friend Tori. She is a breath of fresh air let me tell you. I am not just saying that because she liked my book either. I look forward to her emails as much if not more than any of the men I hear from at this point. Yesterday Tori pointed out a few things to me that are really sinking in:

I know the pickings are slim, but if it talks like a pig and walks like a pig, it's gonna turn out to be a pig. I just think by and large that's the kind of guy on AM.

I just feel for you because of what you're going through, and I'm trying to understand why you put yourself through this AM stuff. It is set up for what men need, not what women need.

You are a very talented writer and you have a charming and endearing voice in the blog.

Tori is right. I know that. I do have a lot to offer but I am never going to be enough for any of these men. AM is not the right place for me to find a lover. I say it over and over. I need ONE SPECIAL FRIEND. I still want that and yet, as Tori has also pointed out; I seem to hop from man to man.

Often I think maybe I am pumping myself up to these men too much. Maybe they expect me to be better in bed than I actually am. That’s a possibility. I am not denying it although other than lack of interest after one or two fuck sessions I have never actually had any complaints. So all of these men who I see on my AM “Favorites List” looking and looking after they have already been with Kitty, maybe they WILL find someone younger. Maybe they WILL find someone more beautiful, thinner, better in bed. But then again, maybe Kitty will too.


WestsideTori said...

Kitty, you're so sweet, but what I say is just common sense. You cannot judge anything about yourself (attractiveness, etc) from how these morons treat you. Their behavior speaks volumes about what's wrong with THEM.

Listen to me, if you were tall, thin, gorgeous and young, I bet you still wouldn't find your one special friend in the AM cesspool. It's just too toxic for gentle souls like us, hon.

Ben said...

Kitty -- Let me second what Tori wrote. As a normal man who checked out things on AM, there was not much. Change that. There was nothing. Look inside yourself at who you are, what are your inner strengths, and what you want. Too much of what you come across on AM are people -- this applies to the men and the women -- who are undecided about all of that. Don;t let it drag you down (remember Mr. "Gamey?)

Naughty Kitty said...

I agree with you both and I have to say that Tori also asked a valid question. She asked if now that my kids are home from school if the head shrinker is correct and I am just filling a void. My answer now as I find myself with less and less time for play dates and less and less concern for whether I am enough for these answer is yes of course! I am simply filling a Mr. "Gamey"? I don't miss him even just a little bit ;)

Anonymous said...

Tori is very smart and very intuitive.

I no nothing about AM, just what it is for.

I am about as objective as you can get on it since cheating has never been an option for me.

I always thought it was for random hookups for married people not for finding "one special friend".

But best of luck in finding whatever you need.

WestsideTori said...

Thanks PB!
I have a long email of unsolicited life lessons for you planned too. Uh-oh. You can always delete the email without reading it. :-P