Monday, October 24, 2011

I Like You Too Much to Fuck You

I’m trying to figure out when I changed from the girl who had sex with guys that I liked/loved to the girl I am today who wants to fuck guys that I can easily detach from.

Looking back at all these encounters I think I do better with the “one and done” guys. Unsatisfied encouraged this sort of attitude and he was right. How ironic that he is the youngest of all the men I have been with and he is starting to look like the wisest.

I am drawn to older men, yes but I think emotionally they have a tendency to tell me what they think I want to hear then once they get what they want just throw me out like yesterday’s trash.

Unsatisfied and I went into it knowing we would most likely have no contact after our encounter so I was prepared. I actually prefer it to receiving several emails and texts per day before the encounter then being completely cut off and rejected afterwards.

I have always said “I say what I mean and I mean what I say”. I am surprised that men can’t be the same way. I don’t get it. Are they trying to keep their options open? Jeez-us! Just say that! Say, “Kitty, I’d like to fuck you again but not sure when.” Or even “Kitty, this was fun but let’s not do it again.” Which is pretty much what Unsatisfied and I did.

So the other day I was at work and received a text from Dodger. It was just a friendly “How ya doin’?” kind of text. I responded and asked if he wanted to meet me for coffee or lunch. True to form Dodger said “Lunch and you are paying.” Okay, I am a good friend like that and at this stage of the game Dodger and I are actually friends. We have not fucked yet and other than teasing me about giving him a blow job in my car we haven’t discussed moving forward with any of that. I am great with the way things are. Dodger and I have some great conversations and he makes me laugh which to me is a priceless skill. I know I mentioned that he teases me constantly. I happen to be used to that so it is endearing and never mean spirited.

He also has a sensitive side which I know translates to the way he fucks. He has a way of talking to me that is very caring but very frank at the same time. He gives me his honest opinion no matter how hurtful it may be although so far he has been very caring in that manner.

Just as an example, he noticed the fading bruises from the other day. He looked at them briefly, ran his hand over them and said calmly, “He was a little rough with you.” There was no “I told you so” or no judgment, just acknowledgement and maybe a hint of “That’s not my style.”

Oh, yeah I am not sure if this is significant or not but Dodger is a surfer…and into yoga. I tell you this because it is an indication of his personality. He is very laid back which is good and bad for a planner like me. Whenever we get together it is generally spur of the moment and not thought out. Things always work out but by the time I get to our meeting place I am frazzled and typically Dodger gets the real me because I don’t have time to do the make-up, hair, clothing thing.

So Dodger was working a half day and agreed to meet me for lunch. The question was “where?” I offered to have him come to my office where there are several restaurants. I thought he might appreciate meeting XXX but he didn’t care for the idea. Dodger is much more paranoid than I am so he chose a local town which for whatever reason he thinks he has a better chance of not meeting anybody he knows.

So I recommended a handful of restaurants none of which were satisfactory. Of course he suggested one that I had never been to but being the “aim to please” kitty that I am, I agreed.

Just before I was getting ready to leave I get a text from Dodger asking if I still want to meet at the restaurant or if I want to meet at a local park to which my response was “I am not BLOWING you in my car!”

Now, I actually knew this wasn’t what Dodger was looking for because he has just had some “man surgery” and I imagine his dick is in no shape for my shenanigans. So at this point I was teasing Dodger the way he teases me on a consistent basis.

He must have lost his patience because he said “Just meet at the original place”. Of course as I approach the restaurant I hit some sort of killer traffic jam. I can see the place I just can’t GET to it. Sure enough I hear my phone go off. Now this kills me. I know damn well Dodger is texting me to see where I am but I am trying to drive so WHAT THE FUCK!

It turns out he saw someone he knew in the restaurant so he told me to pick him up outside instead. Um…okay. I drive up, Dodger gets in the car and we go back and forth like an old married couple about where to eat. Since I am paying I recommend a nicer spot but we get there and there is a wait so I say, “Let’s get out of here”. We opt for a Southwestern place instead. We are standing in line chattering just as we do online. We are very comfortable like this and Dodger is letting his guard down a little bit. When it’s our turn I order “A single FISH TACO please.” Then I look at Dodger with a big grin on my face. He smiles after a moment indicating that he gets the joke and orders the same. When it’s time to pay he insists on picking up the check. He said he was just joking when he told me it was my turn. Like I said, we are friends now so treating him for lunch especially when he was infirmed does not faze me.

At lunch we sit, eat and chat very comfortably. We start talking about our sons who are the same age but very different personalities. I told Dodger that one of my son’s friends called me inappropriate on Facebook because of my profile picture. It is a “Facehole” shot of a sexy blond dancing with Mark Wahlberg as Marky Mark but my face has been dropped into the blonde’s body. It is clearly a joke but I guess the 18 year old nerd boy didn’t get it. Anyway, Dodger asks “Who’s Mark Wahlberg?” To which my response is “OH MY GOD!” I am thinking this is one of Dodger’s teasing topics but he swears he doesn’t know who Mark Wahlberg is. He is amused by the distress that this has caused me as I try to recall all the movies Mark has starred in.

Before we left Dodger stopped at the men’s room. I told him that I’d meet him in the car and I would drive him back to his. As I was leaving I realized I didn’t have my purse. I became so unnerved by the whole Mark Wahlberg conversation that I lost track of where I had put it. In the meantime Dodger came out of the men’s room and was helping himself to a refill on the soda.

I walked up to him and in a bit of a panic said “I lost my purse”. This is one of the times when Dodger’s laid back attitude comes in handy. He finished filling his soda, looked at me and smiled. Then he looked over at the table where we were sitting and very calmly said “it’s hanging on the chair”. I could have sworn I went back to that damn table but I guess I was looking at the wrong one. At any rate I had to walk the entire length of the restaurant and through the parking lot listening to Dodger taunting me and repeating, “I lost my purse.”

Okay so the point of the story and the reason for the title…Dodger is always telling me that I am not cut out for this lifestyle. He is always telling me that I am dangerous and I get too attached. I agree with him. Then he will turn around and say that you need to be with a person several times for your bodies to adjust to each other. I agree with this as well. He also talks about exclusivity after lecturing me about agreeing to be exclusive with other lovers. Isn’t this a direct contradiction? So I asked Dodger, how do you do this without getting attached?

At this stage I would have a difficult time choosing between the easy going friendship and conversations that we have now and fucking and never having any contact again.

One thing that we need to clear up one way or another is who Mark Wahlberg is. Dodger, if you are reading this, check this out please…

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