Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Playing With Fire

It’s the day after XXX’s big talk with his cunt wife. This is the woman who cheated on him with her FIRST ex-husband. This is the woman who has been jerking him around for 2 years because she doesn’t have the courage to file for divorce. This is the woman who has made it virtually impossible for XXX to ever deeply love or trust another woman again. And yet he will reconcile with her if she makes two promises according to XXX. His first request is that she let him back into the house, back into the bedroom. His second request is that she stop fucking her first Ex-husband.

The other night when XXX returned from his trip she had dropped off a bottle of gin, one of his favorites. In the midst of their texting where she was sending “Xs’” and “O’s” he told her he needed a drink. Considering I am forbidden from communicating with him other than work or fucking in person there is no fucking way I can compete with that.

Can you all tell I am in one hell of a mood today? I haven’t slept. Maybe it is because of the dog jumping in and out of bed. Maybe it is because I have been wondering and waiting to hear about XXX’s meeting with the cunt.

I got an early start at the gym which was good. When I got out of the shower I felt good and decided that if today is the day that XXX casts me aside like a piece of garbage I am going to make it as difficult as possible for him.

So I dressed in my “slutty business” woman attire. XXX just happened to mention that he gets hard for a girl in a cheerleading skirt. Well, I don’t have one of those but I slipped on a skirt, tights, no panties, conservative pumps and a business jacket that shows the black cami lace underneath. I also wore my hooker hoops.

If nothing else I may turn a few men’s heads today. If this IS it for XXX and me, I am certainly not going to go quietly.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not going to get all psycho and start boiling bunnies or anything but I am going to look good.

So sure enough today I get into work and he was not there. DAMN! Today was the one day I wanted to run into him. I needed to ask him something about the gym and I wanted to do it sooner rather than later. I was afraid he was going to drop the bomb today and I didn’t want to run into him at the gym and have him look at me and see Glenn Close’s face.

So, I sunk just about as low as I could sink. First I waited in my car…no sign of him. I pictured his cunt wife making him breakfast in bed. FUCK! So I went into the office and opened up. Big Cheese wasn’t in yet so I stalked the halls. The act of a desperate woman, I know. Finally I saw him walk in from the parking lot. I ducked into the ladies room and popped back out in time to “run into him”. We greeted each other then I began my story about the gym and asked about the trainer blah blah blah.

Then, just when I let my guard down. Just when I thought I was safe I made the mistake of asking, yes, asking about the meeting last night.

I could tell immediately by the look in his eyes that it was over. WE are over. He began to spew some nonsense about how “she wants to try again” and then said “We’ll talk about it.” And by “We” he meant him and me. I looked him straight in the eyes, fought back the tears and said “Nope. We don’t need to discuss it. I’ll see you at work”. He repeated it again, this time with a smile on his face as though he was eager to relay the gory details to me. I am thinking to myself the whole time “Don’t cry! Don’t give that fucker the satisfaction!” So I walked into my office with him following and said without turning around “I’ll see you later”.

And now I sit at my desk, licking my wounds, waiting for Big Cheese to call me in for our meeting, knowing that it was only a matter of time. Knowing just about a month ago that this was not going to end well.

And so as when I was a young girl I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I am going to pull myself together so that by the time I have to meet with XXX this afternoon I will be able to act as though nothing happened.

In actuality he doesn’t deserve my friendship. I don’t HAVE to let him explain. I lay in bed naked with him listening to him talk about his cunt wife and the women he dated and now it is my turn to be selfish. It is my turn to do whatever I need to do to heal myself and right now I think that’s exactly what I am going to do.

And mark my words in three months he is going to be exactly where he is now and will one of you please come and sew my pussy shut if I even consider putting myself through this hell again?!!??!


flying solo said...

I feel your pain.. and your the anger that comes with feeling like youve been used. Any words I say I know won't help but know.. you aren't alone... and you will be fine while he will still be in his own personal hell he created for himself. HUGS.

Naughty Kitty said...

Thanks so much Flying Solo. Your blog is a comfort to me as are your kind words.A friend of mine and I were talking about it and realized that the anger is at myself for letting myself get caught up in the whole thing. XXX himself is nothing special and offered me nothing and yes, he used me. I will never let that happen again.