Monday, October 31, 2011

Dear Ashley Madison


As a woman who is fascinated by successful business models I can’t help but appreciate the genius behind Ashley Madison. Granted, I was a free member and never saw the male perspective but from what I have heard the idea is genius, at least in my opinion.

During one of our brainstorming sessions XXX was trying to encourage me to expand upon one of my Ashley Madison related business ideas. After coming across the “Doctor” I jokingly told XXX that I wanted to set up a related business that kept Ashley Madison meetings much more discreet in that the upper echelon would be filtered and joined with others in their same “class”. I know, I know. I am horrible. But as I explained to XXX, from what I am hearing a lot of the women on Ashley Madison are quite trashy and I have to say I have come across some pretty cool and successful men.

XXX and I discussed the concept of me meeting these men and women for coffee then explaining to them how potentially “dangerous” this could be for them…well…not them but their reputations should their true identities ever leak out. Then I would hand them my business card and carry on from there.

In theory the idea is okay but in reality not so much.

This conversation with XXX led us to talking and me to thinking which as we all know is NEVER a good thing.

So now that the dust has settled and I have been with the men that I have been with I believe I can finally write a decent profile for Ashley Madison. The issue is that I am no longer signed up and so I would like to write my good friend a letter:

Dear Ashley Madison,

First I want to thank you for the wonderful men that you have brought into my life over the past few months. Yes, some of them were scary. Some of them broke my heart, but some of them were simply wonderful and I have truly grown from each and every experience.

I want to apologize however. As with my former lover XXX I have not been completely honest with you. I believe my profile originally said that I was undecided as to what I wanted from my Ashley Madison experiences.

After several “one and done” encounters, several scary meetings and several meetings that turned into platonic friendships I have finally decided what I am looking for.

See, Naughty Kitty is basically a happy Kitty. As with most people there are some days when I am more content than others. Basically I am happy with the man that I am contractually and legally obligated to.

There are days when he is not very nice to me. There are weeks sometimes months that go by when he doesn’t even look at me, kiss me or touch me. While this makes Kitty so incredibly sad, I am still committed to our contract and would never leave him. I am not going to get a divorce. I am not going to hurt him. He knows I am not happy with this aspect of our life together. I believe deep down he suspects my indiscretions. This character flaw is mine and not his and so I don’t want to rub it in his face or hurt him emotionally. He is a good man. He is a good father and a faithful husband. He is just not attracted to his wife. He does not crave the act of sex the way I do.

And so if I had to describe exactly what I want from an Ashley Madison hook-up I would have to say the thing that you are not supposed to say. My ultimate Ashley Madison match would be a man that could fill the void in my life. My ultimate Ashley Madison match would be another man that I could connect with on an emotional and physical level. I would want him to be honest, friendly, and dedicated to me. I would be content taking second seat to his own wife as he would be second to my spouse.

I would be content with meeting just once a month if need be. What I would ask for in return would be that our time together be filled with fun, happiness and sex. I ask that he be open to that emotional connection that is forbidden. I ask that he be honest with me about his feelings. I ask that he communicate with me during the time that we are not together via email, text whatever it takes to keep our bond intact during the time we are apart.

I understand that he may be bogged down with work or family obligations. I just ask for an email or text every now and then just to let me know that he is thinking of me and dedicated to our relationship. Our relationship should be one that benefits us both. I ask that he be honest about what his marriage is lacking so that I can in turn fill that void for him. I want to fill that void.

Oh Dear Ashley, I am so tired of the games. I am tired of the lies. I am tired of men saying one thing to get me into bed then pretending that I don’t exist afterwards. Really, there is no mystery. I am not looking to “catch” a husband so there is no reason for me to play the game of holding out. Yes, I am a sure thing. If we meet and we like each other I will be agreeable to sex. I thought that was the main idea of Ashley Madison. So the idea of feeding me a bunch of lies for the sake of getting me into bed seems moot to me.

Now, I am not completely innocent here, Dear Ashley. I have agreed not to get attached to these men. Occasionally I have lied straight to their faces by promising that I would detach when in fact it was already too late. I was already hooked.

So the realization that I have come to is that I cannot detach for the most part. Good sex for me relates to an attraction which is partially emotional. Not to mention if I do have good sex with someone it is only natural that I want to have more good sex with that person. Am I the only one who feels that way? Perhaps the sex is better for me than it is for them. Perhaps men are wired differently and can detach more easily.

The fact of the matter is I am looking for a lover. I am looking for a relationship. I am looking for that special someone that can be a friend, a lover, a confidante. And yes, I am looking for someone to care about me and someone to love me.

Regardless, if you should come across a truly sincere gentle man who wants a relationship that involves both the physical and potentially an emotional bond please let me know and I will surely send my key.

Until then…

Naughty Kitty

3 comments:

Ryan Beaumont said...

In looking at a lot of the competition I do think AM has the best niche with the middle class ages in the 30-50's. Most other sites are more for chating and sharing video (e.g. AFF). Plenty of Fish is probably a distant second. I do think there is room for a narrower reach. Their is Cougar Life (women looking for younger men) and Arrangement Finder (not sure of name) which is more rich men/women looking for Sugar Daddies. All things considered AM has the best reach and best revenue model I've seen to be the closest to mainstream.

Holly S said...

Be careful what you wish for. Having a physically and emotionally satisfying relationship with someone who is only in your life on a limited basis can bring heartache as well. But I hope you find what you are looking for!

-McK said...

Oh I am with you in terms of emotional connection, attachment and the difference it makes at least for me.