What Now?

When XXX offered up sex to comfort me that stirred up all sorts of feelings as you can imagine. My initial reaction was “How about tomorrow?” Yea, see that’s yet another problem that Kitty has. I speak…or in this case text before I think. Luckily XXX had a meeting scheduled so we agreed to talk about it before jumping in.  In the meantime I called him while on one of my infamous dog-walks. After talking to XXX I felt 1.pathetic and 2. Like I don’t want to fuck up our friendship again by sleeping with him.

I felt pathetic because even though I know he doesn’t mean it this way, his offer felt like kind of a “let me just fuck you and get it over with so I don’t have to hear you complain anymore.” Like I said, I know he didn’t mean it that way. He told me he didn’t. The problem which we both realize is that things will end and they will probably end badly like the first time. I’m just not sure I have it in me to fight my way back to this place where we are now which is completely open honest and fond of each other as platonic friends. Some things have changed for the better between us but the ending will be the same.

Kitty hopped on Ashley Madison for a record breaking 10 minutes this time. In that time I got two requests from men whose pictures feature them in briefs (underwear). Can I just tell you men out there that no woman thinks briefs are sexy? If you wear them that’s fine. My suggestion is just don’t advertise it.

At some point in the day T-Bone texted me as though nothing happened. He obviously did not think anything of the day’s events. Granted there was no drama. Kitty is not one for drama. I think Mrs. T Bone is one for drama so I could see that he wasn’t clear on my not being pleased. I decided to write him an email. The email was as kind as I could make it but basically it said “I want attention and you haven’t had your dick inside of me in a while so I think we should call it a day.” Kitty used nicer words and prettied it up but you get the gist.

A few weeks ago T-Bone had made a comment that if I ever broke it off with him he would be upset but would not press the issue. At the time the thought of ending things with T-Bone couldn’t have been farther from my mind. When I clicked the “send” button on that email I fully expected not to hear from T-Bone again…but I did…and it broke my heart. He wanted me to change my mind. My heart wasn’t completely in that email in the first place so how could I change my mind? I told him that I didn’t want to hurt him. To make a long story short we ended up talking at our regular lunch time. We still have a lot to work out. T-Bone doesn’t understand how I feel or why I feel that way. I try to explain. I try to be kind when I explain. We’ll see…